#humorous

I want to write my own eulogy, and I want to write it in Latin. It seems only fitting to read a dead language at my funeral. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dead-language #death #eulogy #funeral #funny

Seduction is the art of saying what you don't do in order to do what you don't say ↗

— Löis Lancaster

#seduction #art

Two gorgeous guys slaving in the kitchen. Doesn't get any better than this.' 'You have low standards,' Chait grinned over his shoulder and dropped bread into the toaster. 'If I had two hot girls in my kitchen, I'd want them naked.' I stood immobile, seeing Chait and Hayden in my minds eye. Naked, cooking for me. Hayden glanced my way and chuckled as I dashed away. ↗

— Veronica Blade

#humor #humorous #humor

Does the work get easier once you know what you are doing?" "Your lungs grow thick with stone dust and your eyes bleary from the sun and fragments thrown up by the chisel. You pour your lifeblood out into works of stone for Romans who will take your money in taxes to feed soldiers who will nail your people to crosses for wanting to be free. Your back breaks, your bones creak, your wife screeches at you, and your children torment you with open begging mouths, like greedy baby birds in the nest. You go to bed every night so tired and beaten that you pray to the Lord to send the angel of death to take you in your sleep so you don't have to face another morning. It also has its downside. ↗

— Christopher Moore

#humorous #physical-labor #work #death

I was behaving, just like I promised, but fate intervened. ↗

— Katherine Paterson

#humor

Moreover, if great men are the only hope of the Evolutionary Process, they are morally bound to rule over the masses for their own good -- we are all here on earth to help others: what on earth the others are here for, I don't know -- and the masses have no right whatsoever to resist them. ↗

— W.H. Auden

#humorous #service #humor

So I'm all, "Owned! Bee-yatch! Dog fucking owned you!" Doing a minor booty dance of ownage, perhaps, in retrospect, a bit prematurely. (I believe hip-hop to be the apprpriate language for taunting, at least until I learn French.) ↗

— Christopher Moore

#humor