#humorous

You are only limited by your own imagination ↗

— Benny Bellamacina

#humorous #inspirational #humor

Why in the name of God do you wear these ugly ass granny panties? I swear it looks like you could parachute from the Dallas Lincoln Plaza with these and have a nice soft landing! Why don’t you get on the internet and apply your online shopping skills while purchasing some panties that do not look like they came from your Grans drawer? ↗

— Kathryn Vance-Perez

#humorous #panties #friendship

Evolution is a theory with more holes than a Dutch dam of swiss cheese. ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#inspirational #humor

But the three siblings were not born yesterday. Violet was born more than fifteen years before this particular Wednesday, and Klaus was born approximately two years after that, and even Sunny who had just passed out of babyhood, was not born yesterday. Neither were you, unless of course I am wrong, in which case, welcome to the world, little baby, and congratulations on learning to read so early in life. ↗

— Lemony Snicket

#humor

Gideon laughed. "I like to be direct." "Okay," I said. "But I warn you, I like to be evasive, inserutable and generally send mixed messages." "I doubt it." "Human interaction is not my strong point," I told him. "Not seriously." "Seriously," I said. Thinking: There is so much about me he doesn't know. Gideon put his hand on my leg. "What's your strong point, then?" "Goats," I told him. "I am excellent with goats. ↗

— E. Lockhart

#chicklit #cute #humor #humorous #humour

He thought moving to a small town would allow him to find a way to get along to some extent but people were just plain idiots. ↗

— Christine Feehan

#people-suck #small-town-life #life

She was very young, he thought, she still expected something from life, she did not understand that to push an inconvenient person over a cliff solves nothing. ↗

— George Orwell

#life

michelle would get picked up and bang someone anonymous stud in the bathroom, and i would sip my drink wishing i could go home and curl up with a book. i sigh. thats ok. she was my vicarious slutty friend. and for that i loved her ↗

— Marata Eros

#home

There were pecans, there were cashews and then there was just plain nuts. ↗

— Mary Hughes

#crazy #humor #humorous-quote #nuts #love

Dean: If there is a greater power, why is it he can't get you a new sweater? Jamie: Because, he's too busy looking for your brain. ↗

— Nicholas Sparks

#business