#humorous

Just to keep the bad dreams at bay, she took a swig out of a bottle that smelled of apples and happy brain-death. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor #humorous-quotations #ironic #irony #death

His question is pretty dangerous for me to try to answer, so I don’t—it continues to hang out there like the stained underwear at a slumber party that goes unclaimed. ↗

— Jen Naumann

#humorous-quotations #ya #young-adult-fiction #zombies #life

I've always worried a lot. And frankly I'm good at it." The late Erma Bombeck, one of the funniest women ever. ↗

— Catherine Robertson

#life

نصحته النصيحة الوحيدة الممكنة: تزوج.. لن تجهد بعد هذا في تذكر أين أمضيت ليلتك لأن زوجتك ستعرف.. لن تتساءل عن سبب تعاستك لأن زوجتك ستعرف.. الخلاصة أن كل مشاكلك المعنوية البلهاء ستتحول إلى كوارث مادية محترمة.. تذكر كيف كانوا قديما يعالجون مرضى الفصام بحقنهم بجراثيم الملاريا! ↗

— أحمد خالد توفيق

#marriage #humor

You got off on the wrong foot. I merely watched you shove it into your mouth. ↗

— Sabrina Jeffries

#men

He’s an even-tempered stallion. What he lacks in stamina he makes up for in speed, kind of like most of the men I’ve slept with. ↗

— Lila Shaw

#naughty-humor #men

Merlin's pants! ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humorous #death

You’ll be dethroned faster than a coke snorting beauty queen. ↗

— Eric Luper

#beauty

There’s no need to call me ‘sir,’ Professor. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor

Democracy was supposed to champion freedom of speech, and yet the simple rules of table decorum could clamp down on the rights their forefathers had fought and died for. ↗

— E.A. Bucchianeri

#democracy #ettiquette #freedom #freedom-of-speech #funny