#humorous

Never do anything that you don’t want to have to explain to 9-1-1 personnel. ↗

— Jill Shalvis

#humor

Daddy, What's the horizontal tango? ↗

— Simone Elkeles

#humor

I disliked numbers, and they didn't think much of me either. ↗

— R.J. Anderson

#numbers #humor

The thing I hate about an argument is that it always interrupts a discussion. ↗

— G.K. Chesterton

#truthful #humor

Oh good Lord. She definitely hadn't put on enough deodorant for this. ↗

— Jill Shalvis

#humor

Are you by any chance acquainted with the words 'steel toe'? Or do the words 'permanent dent' mean anything to you?" My locker door is not intimidated. "My grandfather was a vault at Fort Knox, and if you try to dent me with a kick you will only tear some ligament that will never mend. ↗

— David Klass

#humor

If anyone wanted ter find out some stuff, all they’d have ter do would be ter follow the spiders. That’d lead ‘em right! That’s all I’m sayin’. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humorous-quotations #spiders #humor

I guess he believes if a lie is big enough and repeated often enough, it will be believed. ↗

— John McCain

#mccain-lies #political #humor

Ease off the martyr throttle. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor

I would never have broken up with you," I said earnestly. "I'm more miserable without you than I am with you." As soon as that sentence came out I groaned, because I knew how bad it sounded. But Declan laughed. "Vintage Simon Murray comment. ↗

— Sean Kennedy

#humor