#humorous

My dad had once told me, crimson-red deep in “the talk,” that with sons, all he had to worry about was one penis, but with a daughter, he had to worry about everyone else’s. ↗

— Nicole Williams

#parents-and-children #the-sex-talk #humor

Being here? With you? I've met my subconscious, and he's not that sick. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor

Just because you’re allowed to use magic now you don’t have to whip your wands out for every tiny little thing! ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor

But if I hadn't shoved you off the boat back there,you'd be lost at sea now,wouldn't you? We'd all be lost! So thanks to me you're all standing on land." (Pirates, its a good thing they're idiots) ↗

— Dave Barry

#humor

I`m basically one of the best people I know. ↗

— Jeff Kinney

#humor

When a guy says,'I'll call you,' and he doesn't say when-that means he won't call you." Kit pulled his phone out of his pocket and pressed a couple buttons. My phone vibrated in my pocket. I fished it out, smiling. "Madness," Kit whispered softly into his phone. "I meant I'd call you. This is me calling you. ↗

— Sarah Rees Brennan

#humor

...as nervous as a bird in a coal mine. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor

Drink to me! I just realized that I've slept with everyone at this table! ~Nell ↗

— Jennifer Crusie

#humor

Shock and desire have my nerves tingling like I've been struck by horny lightning. ↗

— Nicole Christie

#humorous #humor

Good judgment comes from experience, and experience - well, that comes from poor judgment. ↗

— A.A. Milne

#humorous-quotations #judgment #experience