#humorous

They can afford to smile because they all have teeth so dazzling if they dropped them in the snow they'd be lost forever. ↗

— Frank McCourt

#humor

Worry:Interest paid on trouble before it falls due. ↗

— Dean Ing

#humor

My dad was a fairy," said Zach. "And by that I don't mean he dressed well and enjoyed musical theatre. ↗

— Ben Aaronovitch

#humor

Have you ever heard of a condom? Don't Carpathians have condoms? Because I'm thinking that if you're all that worried, a condom might be just the thing." His smile was slow in coming. "I had not thought of that. As a rule Carpathians do not need such things. ↗

— Christine Feehan

#humor

What's with that?' Butters screamed, his voice high and frightened. 'Just covering his head with his arms? Didn't he see the lawyer in the movie? ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor

Real life... Witches: Wiccan practitioners. Werewolves: rare strain of rabies. Zombies: Prions/Plague. Vampires: Hemophilia/Porphyria ↗

— Solange nicole

#humorous #monsters #real-life #satire #solange

His question is pretty dangerous for me to try to answer, so I don’t—it continues to hang out there like the stained underwear at a slumber party that goes unclaimed. ↗

— Jen Naumann

#humorous-quotations #ya #young-adult-fiction #zombies #life

I've always worried a lot. And frankly I'm good at it." The late Erma Bombeck, one of the funniest women ever. ↗

— Catherine Robertson

#life

I love fortune readings! because when I get in troubles, if the reading says that I am in a lucky day, I can think my troubles are just some kind of mistakes, and if the reading says that I am in the unlucky day, I can think that my troubles are just because of my bad luck. Either ways, I can know the reason of my troubles. ↗

— Hiroko Sakai

#fortune-telling #funny #horoscope #humorous #life

نصحته النصيحة الوحيدة الممكنة: تزوج.. لن تجهد بعد هذا في تذكر أين أمضيت ليلتك لأن زوجتك ستعرف.. لن تتساءل عن سبب تعاستك لأن زوجتك ستعرف.. الخلاصة أن كل مشاكلك المعنوية البلهاء ستتحول إلى كوارث مادية محترمة.. تذكر كيف كانوا قديما يعالجون مرضى الفصام بحقنهم بجراثيم الملاريا! ↗

— أحمد خالد توفيق

#marriage #humor