#humorous

Yeah 220, 221 whatever it takes!" Michael Keaton character in "Mr. Mom ↗

— Mark Buff

#funny-humor #humor #humorous #funny

If I could out run the Angel of Death I'd probably die from lack of breath! ↗

— Stanley Victor Paskavich

#death

Ask me about my complete lack of interest. (T-shirt) ↗

— Darynda Jones

#humor

Just to keep the bad dreams at bay, she took a swig out of a bottle that smelled of apples and happy brain-death. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor #humorous-quotations #ironic #irony #death

When you argue with someone, you always argue at the level of the person with the lowest level of intelligence. You never argue up. ↗

— Spuds Crawford

#humorous #intelligence

I turned on the television and watched a movie about a girl who’d fallen in love with both a vampire and a werewolf. I’d already seen it a million times, so my eyelids grew heavy, fairly quickly. Ten minutes later I was out cold in my bed and dreaming of Duncan, who turned into a werewolf and was trying to kill my own vampire boyfriend. Every time I tried to see the vampire’s face, however, it was a blur. ↗

— Kristen Middleton

#humorous #movie-inspirational #dreams

Oh, drat the men! No matter what they do, it's the wrong thing. And no matter who they are, it's somebody they shouldn't be. They do exasperate me. "Anne's House of Dreams ↗

— L.M. Montgomery

#dreams

It wasn't a lie, not at all like one of those lies she told herself all the time, like This is the last drink of the evening, or I'm not going to set the bitch's house on fire. ↗

— Melissa de la Cruz

#family

Darcy’s hand suddenly rammed angrily into a bowl of fruit and grasped an innocent, unsuspecting orange. “Enough. The woman is demented. Our marriage is simply something to which she must become adjusted. She insulted Elizabeth and her family, and in so doing, she insulted me.” With an expression as black as pitch, Darcy commenced to vivisecting the orange. By the time he finished with said orange, it was completely dead, thoroughly dead, with no semblance remaining of its prior orange existence. ↗

— Karen V. Wasylowski

#family

Being a monk was the strangest and most perverted way of life imaginable. Monks spent half their lives putting themselves through pain and discomfort that they could easily avoid, and the other half muttering meaningless mumbo jumbo in empty churches at all hours of the day and night. They deliberately shunned anything good—girls, sports, feasting and family life. ↗

— Ken Follett

#monks #religious-practices #family