#humorous

But how do we know it's really you? I mean, I could put a saucepan on my head and call myself the God of Boiled Dumplings; wouldn't mean I was telling the truth. ↗

— K.J. Parker

#humor

...there occurred to me the simple epitaph which, when I am no more, I intend to have inscribed on my tombstone. It was this: "He was a man who acted from the best motives. There is one born every minute. ↗

— P.G. Wodehouse

#insightful #humor

By the Angel, this place is barely better than a penny gaff,” Gideon said. “Gabriel, don’t look at anything unless I tell you it’s all right. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humorous #humor

Can I have my ear back?" He asked irritably. She blinked. "Mother, can you tell this creature here to loosen her hold? ↗

— Anya Wylde

#humor

I'm going to go throw up now, because ive turned into my dad. If vomiting doesn't work, I'll see if I can get an exorcism. ↗

— Veronica Blade

#growing-up #humor #humorous #humor

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you. ↗

— John Lyman

#humor

See? That’s it,” he said, waving his hand. “That’s part of what makes us so great, Luce. I’m crazy. You’re crazy. Together, we make our own brand of crazy. ↗

— Nicole Williams

#humorous #humor

That's how hospitals get you. You go in to visit and before you know it they got a camera stuck up your butt and they're looking' to find poloponies. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#humorous #humor

No one could honestly say that a musical makes sense. ↗

— Siegfried Kracauer

#humorous #humor

To-morrow I will begin," thought Katy, as she dropped asleep that night. How often we all do so! And what a pity it is that when morning comes and to-morrow is to-day, we so frequently wake up feeling quite differently; careless or impatient, and not a bit inclined to do the fine things we planned overnight. ↗

— Susan Coolidge

#procrastinating #family