#humour

Fredrika Bimm, what do you think you're doing?" "Freaking out. Losing my mind. Thinking about snapping your husband's spine. Squashing the urge to vomit. Wishing I had died at childbirth." "Oh, you say that when you don't get a prize in your Lucky Charms. ↗

— MaryJanice Davidson

#funny #humour #funny

Misery, thy name is Mudslide ↗

— Molly Harper

#humour #paranormal-romance #funny

Dell had left the army and taken the discipline home with him. I’d left the theatre world and taken the whisky sodas home with me. ↗

— Mark Capell

#drink #humour #liquor #home

She's kind of like a Mary Poppins just before she turns to the dark side of the Force," Oberon said. He was still behind the counter, but he had a good lok at her as she exited. "Let go of your anger, Malina! There's still good in you! The Emperor hasn't driven it from you fully! ↗

— Kevin Hearne

#star-wars-humour-running #anger

People assume that artists must talk about art and beauty and the sublime whenever we get together, but no, we usually talk about money. ↗

— Christopher Bram

#art

The look in her eyes told me that under any other circumstances, I would either already be naked with her on top of me, or lying in a pool of my own blood on the rug. ↗

— Christina Lauren

#humour #beauty

You sure you don't want me to bring you back something?" Her eyes moved in the direction of his office. "A hit man? Some holy water? ↗

— Christina Lauren

#beauty

Wait, you remember that?" "Of course I remember that. You sounded like a frat boy and looked like a fucking model. What man could ever forget that?" "I would have given anything to know what you were thinking right then." "I was thinking, 'Highly fuckable intern, twelve o'clock. Disengage, soldier. I repeat, disengae. ↗

— Christina Lauren

#humour #beauty

Wow, top five percent of your class at Northwestern. Nice!" Joel said and then looked over at me. "Bet you're glad to have someone so amazing working under you, huh?" Chloe coughed slightly, bringing her napkin up from her lap to cover her mouth. I smiled as I quickly glanced over to her and then back to Joel. "Yes, its absolutely amazing having Miss Mills under me. She always gets the job done. ↗

— Christina Lauren

#humour #beauty

She'd proven to be one of the most aggravating people I'd ever met. Unfortunately for me, she was also the best sex I'd ever had. Fuck, he'd better never get that far. I wasn't sure I knew where to hide a body around here. ↗

— Christina Lauren

#humour #beauty