#humour

Hap, even tough I'm a racist castrating bitch that wants you to be better than you are, wants you to do something with your life besides be a knockabout, do you think you could find it in your heart, in your itty-bitty white man's dick, to get a hard-on for me? In other words, want to fuck? ↗

— Joe R. Lansdale

#interracial #life

Why is luge a sport? You dress up like a giant sperm and go sledding really fast. That’s hardly athletic. Phallic and sexy, yes. But hardly athletic. ↗

— Jessica Park

#olympic-games #sport #sports #love

We could get kinky and see how bats and rats make love, he suggested in a whisper, warm breath against her neck. You are a sick man, Jacques. Very, very sick. ↗

— Christine Feehan

#love

Denis could think of no logical reason why he should not attempt to mate with Beth Cooper. There were no laws explicitly against it. They were of the same species, and had complementary sex organs, most likely, based on extensive mental modeling Denis had done. ↗

— Larry Doyle

#love #love

In love, one always begins in deceiving oneself, and one always ends in deceiving others. ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#love

Shit,' Vina scoffed. 'That boy is every woman's type. I could rent him out to the Mormons so they don't have to electrocute their lesbos anymore. ↗

— Aimee Love

#love

The groom should not see you in the dress just before the wedding, that’s bad luck. You know what’s worst luck? Is getting married, itself. I’ve read studies. It’s like 2 out of 3 of those end in divorce, sometimes more. 3 out of 2, some. ↗

— Hank Moody

#divorce-humor #humour #marriage #marriage-humor #marriage

While you’re singing something romantic, I can’t get the lyrics to ‘Love and Marriage’ out of my head, and that tune always reminds me of the jingle from Jeopardy. ↗

— E.A. Bucchianeri

#humor #humourous-situations #jeopardy #jingle #love

A man is not complete until he is married, then he is finished. ↗

— Zsa Zsa Gabor

#finished #gabor #humour #life #love

Aren't all marriages kind of gay? As a man, when you get marries, essentially what you're saying is 'I will never touch another woman as long as I live, now let's put jewellery on each other and dance ↗

— Jimmy Kimmel

#humour #marriage #marriage