#humour

You were small, but far-famed. We were in Oldtown at your birth, and all the city talked of was the monster that had been born to the King’s Hand, and what such an omen might foretell for the realm.” “Famine, plague, and war, no doubt.” Tyrion gave a sour smile. “It’s always famine, plague, and war. Oh, and winter, and the long night that never ends.” “All that,” said Prince Oberyn, “and your father’s fall as well. Lord Tywin had made himself greater than King Aerys, I heard one begging brother preach, but only a god is meant to stand above a king. You were his curse, a punishment sent by the gods to teach him that he was no better than any other man.” “I try, but he refuses to learn.” Tyrion gave a sigh. “But do go on, I pray you. I love a good tale.” “And well you might, since you were said to have one, a stiff curly tail like a swine’s. ↗

— George R.R. Martin

#love

I said never mix business with pleasure. They said it was a pleasure doing business with me. ↗

— Nikhil Sharda

#humourous #puns #satire-write #business

She didn't want the medi-techs. She wanted a fucking candy bar. [...] She reached down [...] and chose a Galaxy bar [...] "I'm going home." "You didn't pay for that," Francois shouted after her. "Fuck you, Frank," she shouted back and kept going. ↗

— J.D. Robb

#humour #death

There are undoubtedly advantages to being dead, said Julius. ↗

— Jonas Jonasson

#humour #death

They met at one of the Bouchercon mystery conferences. Love among the midlist. “It’s raining cats and dogs!” Ted announced, which gives you an idea of the sort of thing they write. ↗

— Josh Lanyon

#love

I like ambition. I like someone who gets up in the morning and has a purpose. A real purpose. I have one. I want whoever I love to have one." "I always look forward to breakfast. ↗

— Joe R. Lansdale

#love

Linc was so amazed at what he saw and heard, “This is sooo cool. I love this place. This looks way better than a day spotting weird people at Walmart. ↗

— S.W. Lothian

#adventure #fantasy #humour #magic #middle-grade

Iron deficiency can lead to a wardrobe full of crumpled clothes ↗

— Benny Bellamacina

#famous-quotes #humor #humour #life #love

Sally: 'We’re in India: think spirituality, positive energy -’ Katia: ‘Peace?’ Sally: ‘And love.’ Katia: ‘Karma.’ Sally: ‘Tantra! Actually, maybe not that. Sounds a bit tiring and we do have work to do. ↗

— Emma Jackson

#katia-bialogawski #made-up #sally-drake #love

That", I said, "is an awfully lovely woman. I thought I should let you know, kid, in case your inexperience had blinded you to the fact." "Lying," Ramirez stated, blushing. "Evil. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#love