#humour

He spent a very uncomfortable few moments trying to remember his prepared position for explaining to God that he had nonetheless been right not to believe in Him on the basis of all available evidence, and that his empiricism and advocacy of sceptical enquiry was vindicated because faith-based belief had proven hugely detrimental to humankind's welfare. At the same time, another part of his brain was busy thinking: "Please don't let the Catholics be right, please don't let the Catholics be right. ↗

— Christopher Brookmyre

#business

Do i look like a beautiful blond with big tits and an ass that tastes like French vanilla ice-cream? No. no, you don't. Then why are you telling me all this bullshit just so you can fuck me. ↗

— Quentin Tarantino

#beauty

Sylvia grabs my sleeve. “He’s a looker.” “I know. The problem is, he knows it, too. ↗

— Simone Elkeles

#humour #romance #young-adult-fiction #young-adult-romance #funny

We are getting older fatter and balder. Each day brings us one step closer to death. Other than that, life's a ding-a-derry. ↗

— M. Kushner

#inspirational #death

That´s the problem with planning a late night supper after the opera, not only does the hero or the heroine die singing, but you end up famished after the last notes of the finale. ↗

— E.A. Bucchianeri

#funny #humor #humorous #humour #life

We offered her flowers and signalled to her with our penises, but she did not respond with joy.' 'The men with the extra skins didn't look happy. They looked angry.' 'We went towards them to greet them, but they ran away.' Snowman can imagine. The sight of these preternaturally calm, well-muscled men advancing en masse, singing their unusual music, green eyes glowing, blue penises waving in unison, both hands outstretched like extras in a zombie film, would have to have been alarming. ↗

— Margaret Atwood

#humour #mating #imagination

Our bellies are empty and our patience is short...submit to us and we will make of you a great quiche!' 'Again with the QUICHE?! What kind of self-respecting monster would eat a DAINTY PASTRY DISH?! STEW is what we will make of their bones!' 'Don't get greedy on me! There's three of them! I just want the little one for my quiche!' 'It was nothing to do with greed! It's a matter of principle! MONSTERS DO NOT EAT QUICHE! ↗

— Jeff Smith

#quiche #stupid-stupid-rat-creatures #respect

When it comes to emotions, women know how to paint with the full set of oils, while men are busy doodling with crayons. ↗

— Hank Moody

#humour #true #business

It was the list of activities thing. Like the menu with price, only I'm not the restaurant; I'm the meal. ↗

— Damon Suede

#porn-business #business

Stone me, what a life! ↗

— Tony Hancock

#life #misery #life