#humour

Write - because you will explode if you don't, your brain will expand with words like a balloon filling with air.... ↗

— Sarah Colliver

#inspirational #inspirational

A politician is someone who promises a bridge even when there's no water ↗

— Gregory David Roberts

#politicians

If I looked like him,” Tara said. “I’d want to have sex with myself. All the time. ↗

— Jill Shalvis

#humour #romance #romantic-comedy #funny

Did you slip in some cheese? Did it make you hate cheese, which you had previously loved? Why not sue a cheese-maker? Sue him for all the cheese he's got, drive him out of the cheese-making business! Did you burn your face with an iron? Why not sue Prometheus, the god that invented fire? Or an Iron Age chieftain, for having the temerity to popularise the metal. ↗

— Stewart Lee

#humour #age

Now, whatever you do, don't say anything, because no one must know that Liberace is gay." "Excuse me?" I said. "I'm eight. I know he's gay. ↗

— Alison Arngrim

#humour #love

Iron deficiency can lead to a wardrobe full of crumpled clothes ↗

— Benny Bellamacina

#famous-quotes #humor #humour #life #love

If love is an equation,then it is undifined for all values of x. ↗

— Themba Alex Khumalo

#love #science #love

.« Nik has obviously spoken to Nat about my candy preferences. Written in raspberry bullets is ‘I’m sorry’. Written in green apple jellybeans is ‘I miss you’. Written in cherry jellybeans is ‘I love you’. My heart skips a beat at the last line. Written in gummy bears is ‘Marry me’. Did Nik just propose using candy? Why, yes, brain. Yes, he did. » ↗

— Belle Aurora

#love

Marriage is about the most expensive way for the average man to get his laundry done. ↗

— Burt Reynolds

#marriage #marriage

Men are pigs, darling. I really have every sympathy for women that they actually have to choose one of these arrogant, stupid morons to settle down with and marry. ↗

— Michael Winner

#humour #marriage #men-and-women #michael #stupidity