#humour

Lussurioso: "Welcome, be not far off, we must be better acquainted. Push, be bold with us, thy hand!" Vindice: "With all my heart, i'faith. How dost, sweet musk-cat? When shall we lie together?" Lussurioso: (aside) "Wondrous knave! Gather him into boldness? 'Sfoot, the slave's Already as familiar as an ague, And shakes me at his pleasure! -- Friend, I can Forget myself in private, but elsewhere, I pray do you remember be." Vindice: "Oh, very well, sir. I conster myself saucy." Lussurioso: "What hast been? What profession?" Vindice: "A bone-setter." Lussurioso: "A bone-setter!" Vindice: "A bawd, my lord, one that sets bones together." Lussurioso: (aside) "Notable bluntness! ↗

— Thomas Middleton

#humour #faith

Mother, who has an absolute belief that it is not the cards that one is dealt in life, it is how one plays them, is, by far, the highest card I was dealt. ↗

— Kay Redfield Jamison

#humour #love #family

The church has never been asked to explain anything, our speciality, along with ballistics, has always been the neutralisation of the overly curious mind through faith. ↗

— José Saramago

#philosophy #religion #faith

The man behind the check-in counter gives the impression that he has just axe-murdered the motel's owner (and family, and family pet) and is going through these procedures of hostelry so as not to arouse suspicion. ↗

— Paul Quarrington

#humour #murder #receptionists #family

I can just imagine what the humidity has done to my hair. I'm going to meet your family looking like a poodle with a live wire shoved up its butt." - Paige Winterbourne ↗

— Kelley Armstrong

#humour #paige-winterbourne #family

I was much affected by the internal troubles of the Punch family; I thought that with a little more tact on the part of Mrs. Punch and some restraint held over a temper, naturally violent, by Mr. Punch, a great deal of this sad misunderstanding might have been prevented. ↗

— Edmund Gosse

#irony #family

Some guys step on a rake in the dark, and get mad and go punch somebody. Others step on a rake in the dark and fall down laughing at themselves. I know which kind of guy I'd rather be. So do my friends. ↗

— Spider Robinson

#comedy #friendship #humour #sf #friendship

You be sure to throw the book at him, you hear me? I feel violated, Detective. Violated." "I'll throw this table at you if you don't give us the names we're looking for. ↗

— Derek Landy

#funny #humour #violated #funny

I'm a whore!" Miki hit the brakes...her hands.. gripping the steering wheel, glanced at Sara. "You're not wearing any underwear, are you?" Sara let out a strangled squeal... ↗

— Shelly Laurenston

#humour #paranormal-romance #sexy #funny

Say, ‘Thank you, Phin.’ ” “Oh, please.” “Say, Thank youvery much, Phin. ” “I don’t think so.” “Say, ‘You are a great lover, Phin.’ ” “I’m out of here. ↗

— Jennifer Crusie

#humour #funny