#humour

I don't suppose you would consider peaceful surrender? ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#humour #funny

The Brit's face shares a heritage with a junkyard butt-sniffing mutt. It's a hard-earned moonshine mug, dotted with a hairy mole that looks like a rat's been gnawing on it. His beard looks like a white sneeze. The teeth are jagged and out of alignment, having opened quarts at Jiffy Quick Lube for half a decade. ↗

— Brett Tate

#funny #humor #humour #memoir #sex

Boys don’t gossip.” “Pah! You don’t know us as well as you think.” This was a disturbing prospect. ↗

— Jennifer Echols

#humour #romance #young-adult-fiction #funny

Was it my fault that I got out of hand? --Loki ↗

— Joanne Harris

#funny #humor #humour #loki #funny

I wash the clothes, rinse them and then scrub them again. Will that square little box do that? I am not using any fancy machines when my hands will do. ↗

— Renita D'Silva

#humour #india #indian #indian-fiction #women-s-fiction

...our witness, one Edward Littleton, was a gay as Elton John's handbag. ↗

— Ann Somerville

#funny #gay #homosexuality #humor #humour

Bailey, where’s your hat?” “In my pocket, sir!” “Why isn’t it on your head?” “Because I can’t get my head in my pocket, sir! ↗

— Robyn Carr

#humour #funny

I wanted to remind you that you do not allow me to deliver boats, as I have been known to crash them. ↗

— Jennifer Echols

#humour #young-adult-fiction #young-adult-romance #funny

She couldn't help thinking that something was wrong with a person had more shoes than books in their home. ↗

— Victoria Connelly

#bookworms #chick-lit #girly #humour #reading

...I have to go home and get a few things done. If I don’t get out the Pledge soon, the dust bunnies are going to be leaving tracks on my furniture... ↗

— Carla Foft

#humour #work #home