#humour

Just because your lover died doesn't mean you can't find another. Besides, if you don't start dating again your parents will intervene and I've met your parents, they scare the crap out of me." Anthony shivered at the memory of his parents' matchmaking skills. "Last time they fixed me up with a fairy." Steven snorted. "I thought you didn't like labels." "No. He was an actual fairy, you know, from Faeland." That got Steven's full attention. "What happened?" Anthony shrugged. "Let's just say it didn't work out. ↗

— Amber Kell

#dating

I was coming down off the last painkiller left in my dresser drawer after Autumn tossed my stash. In that moment I was so groggy and happy I would have accepted a date with Oscar the Grouch - and planned to do some serious feeling up on the green furry beast too. Yeah, stooping to pharmaceutical-inspired sex fantasies about garbage can Sesame Street characters - that had to be the best Just Say No drug lecture a girl in a leg cast could ever receive to make her go cold turkey off the meds. ↗

— Rachel Cohn

#cyd-charisse #drugs #gingerbread #high #humour

Oh—and you need to work on making my opinion more important than Josh’s, too. I know it’s a stretch—he’s your most intimate relationship to date, but when you’re balls deep in my ass, I’d prefer you not be wondering if it counts as a workout. ↗

— Amy Lane

#dating

I’ll always be your friend,” he said. “Your best friend, if you let me. But I want to be your lover, too.” He groaned and shifted in his chair. “Soon. I want to be that soon.” Then a look came over him. “Oh Gina…I didn’t even court you! God, I should date you first before I beg you to take off your clothes! ↗

— Robyn Carr

#funny #humour #romance #romantic #dating

All he'd done was lose her underwear and practically get her blown up. Hell. This had to be the absolute worst first date of her life. ↗

— Tara Janzen

#humour #romance #romantic-suspense #dating

Over the centuries, mankind has tried many ways of combating the forces of evil... prayer, fasting, good works and so on. Up until Doom, no one seemed to have thought about the double-barrel shotgun. Eat leaden death, demon... ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#death

Buffy Anne Summers 1981-2001 Beloved sister Devoted Friend She saved the world A lot ↗

— Joss Whedon

#death #epitaph #humour #death

Gabriel shuffled around the trunk again, searching for faux arrows—arrows designed to injure but not kill. “All these arrows are sharp—and have blood on them.” “Yes, well, I left my cotton candy arrows at home next to my teddy bear.” Gabriel turned to Tristan. “We’re not going to kill that guy.” “We might.” “Tristan, that’s homicide.” “It’s self defense.” “It’s not self defense. He didn’t come after you.” “But he came after Scarlet. And, technically, Scarlet is a piece of me. So, yeah. It’s self-defense. Are you coming with me or not?” “I don’t want to kill him. I just want to hurt him. Or detain him.” “Or maybe you could just give him a big hug.”Tristan started marching into the woods. “You can stay there and clean weapons or whatever, but I’m going after our intruder. ↗

— Chelsea Fine

#design

For my last birthday, Dad bought me a pocket-sized Collins English Dictionary. It would only fit in a pocket that had been specially designed. ↗

— Joe Dunthorne

#design

Whoever had created humanity had left in a major design flaw. It was its tendency to bend at the knees. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#design