#humour

When I hear somebody talk about a horse or cow being stupid; I figure it's a sure sign that the animal has somehow outfoxed them ↗

— Tom Dorrance

#horses #humour #spirit #communication

You can only fight one man at a time with a sword, but, with a pen, you can compose a lecture to bore legions of enemy troops to death. ↗

— Lindsay Buroker

#humor #humour #death

The brain can be a dangerous thing. Even more so if you haven't got one. ↗

— Dave Courtney

#humour #smiling #death

... you have not asked me, for instance, what is my favourite flavour of jam, to check that I am indeed Professor Dumbledore, and not an imposter." [...] "For future reference, Harry, it is raspberry ... although of course if I were a Death Eater, I would have been sure to research my own jam-preferences before impersonating myself. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#death

Hef ég drepið mann eða hef ég ekki drepið mann? Hver hefur drepið mann og hver hefur ekki drepið mann? Hvenær drepur maður mann og hvenær drepur maður ekki mann? Fari í helvíti sem ég drap mann. Og þó. ↗

— Halldór Laxness

#humour #murder #Íslandsklukkan #death

Death by creaming ↗

— Yvonne Leishman

#death

I think people would live a bit longer if they didn't know how old they were. Age puts restrictions on things. ↗

— Karl Pilkington

#ageing #death #discrimination #humour #life

And very amusing it is to watch,” said Jem. “Did you know you twitch your nose when you sleep, like a rabbit?” “I do not,” she said, with a whispered laugh.- In my dreams (Chapter 17) deleted scene- Clockwork Prince ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#fangirling #humour #jem #tessa #dreams

Tatiana is a ridiculously curvy thing of dreams, with smooth succulent thighs, long strawberry blond cascading beneath a teal bandana, and a nympho sparkle in her eyes that says pick me, lick me, spank me, or I punish you. Raw innocence and mayhem at once. ↗

— Brett Tate

#funny #humor #humour #memoir #sex

...I doubt very seriously whether anyone will hire me.' What do you mean, babe? You a fine boy with a good education.' Employers sense in me a denial of their values.' He rolled over onto his back. 'They fear me. I suspect that they can see that I am forced to function in a century I loathe. This was true even when I worked for the New Orleans Public Library. ↗

— John Kennedy Toole

#humor #humour #work #education