#humour

If they were going to be like that, then I just wished they hadn't actually been German. It was too easy. Too obvious. It was like coming across an Irishman who actually was stupid, a mother-in-law who actually was fat, or an American businessman who actually did have a middle initial and smoked a cigar. You feel as if you are unwillingly performing in a music-hall sketch and wishing you could rewrite the script. If Helmut and Kurt had been Brazilian or Chinese or Latvian or anything else at all, they could then have behaved in exactly the same way and it would have been surprising and intriguing and, more to the point from my perspective, much easier to write about. Writers should not be in the business of propping up stereotypes. I wondered what to do about it, decided that they could simply be Latvians if I wanted, and then at last drifted off peacefully to worrying about my boots. ↗

— Douglas Adams

#german #humour #stereotypes #business

You would make a very ugly woman" "I would not. I would be stunning ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#tessa-gray #will-herondale #tessa-gray

Some people have great ides maybe once or twice in their life and then they discover electricity or fire or outer or something. I mean the kind of brilliant ideas that change the whole world. Some people never have them at all... I get them two or three times a week. ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#ignorance #change

There is no reciprocity. Men love women. Women love children. Children love hamsters. Hamsters don't love anyone; it is quite hopeless". ↗

— Alice Thomas Ellis

#love #love

And where," Socrates smiled, "is the universe?" "The universe is well, there are theories about how it's shaped..." "That's not what I asked. Where is it?" "I don't know - how can I answer that?" "That is the point. You cannot answer it, and you never will. There is no knowing about it. You are ignorant of where the universe is, and thus, where you are. In fact, you have no knowledge of where anything is or of What anything is or how is came to be. Life is a mystery. "My ignorance is based on this understanding. Your understanding is based on ignorance. This is why I am a humorous fool, and you are a serious jackass. ↗

— Dan Millman

#ignorance #seriousness #understanding #change

Iron deficiency can lead to a wardrobe full of crumpled clothes ↗

— Benny Bellamacina

#famous-quotes #humor #humour #life #love

Some battles don’t have a winner. Sometimes the best a good general can hope for is a ceasefire ↗

— Emma Chase

#inspirational #inspirational

Marriage is about the most expensive way for the average man to get his laundry done. ↗

— Burt Reynolds

#marriage #marriage

Men are pigs, darling. I really have every sympathy for women that they actually have to choose one of these arrogant, stupid morons to settle down with and marry. ↗

— Michael Winner

#humour #marriage #men-and-women #michael #stupidity

Mr. Brundy, you are no doubt as well acquainted with my circumstances as I am with yours, so let us not beat about the bush. I have a fondness for the finer things in life, and I suppose I always will. As a result, I am frightfully expensive to maintain. I have already bankrupted my father, and have no doubt I should do the same to you, should you be so foolhardy as to persist in the desire for such a union. Furthermore, I have a shrewish disposition and a sharp tongue. My father, having despaired of seeing me wed to a gentleman of my own class, has ordered me to either accept your suit or seek employment. If I married you, it would be only for your wealth, and only because I find the prospect of marriage to you preferable –but only slightly!- to the life of a governess or a paid companion. If, knowing this, you still wish to marry me, why, you have only to name the day.” Having delivered herself of this speech, Lady Helen waited expectantly for Mr. Brundy’s stammering retraction. Her suitor pondered her words for a long moment, then made his response. “’ow about Thursday? ↗

— Sheri Cobb South

#marriage-proposal #marriage