#humour

I can't forget things, or ignore them-bad things that happen," I said. "I'm a lay-it-all-out person, a dwell-on-it person, an obsess-about-it person. If I hold things in and try to forget or pretend, I become a madman and have panic attacks. I have to talk. ↗

— E. Lockhart

#girls #humor #humorous #humour #humor

When danger reared its ugly head, He bravely turned his tail and fled. ↗

— Graham Chapman

#humour #sir-robin #humor

No one messes around with a nerd’s computer and escapes unscathed. ↗

— E.A. Bucchianeri

#computer-hackers #computers #funny #geek #geek-humor

Indeed. ↗

— Teal'c (Stargate SG-

#humour #indeed #sf #sg #humor

It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye. Then it's fun and games you can't see anymore. ↗

— James Hetfield

#humour #metallica #humor

So what does that actually mean?' 'To be honest, Ghastly, I haven't a bull's notion.' 'Elder Bespoke should be addressed by his full title,' Tipstaff said. 'Of course,' Skulduggery said. 'To be honest, Your Highness, I haven't a bull's notion. ↗

— Derek Landy

#death

The most powerful women in Sachaka and all you do is waste time gossiping and matchmaking ↗

— Trudi Canavan

#humour #lorkin #traitors #tyvara #humor

I don't think I'd want Mickey Mouse pimping for me anyway. ↗

— Haruki Murakami

#humour #humor

It is known that there are an infinite number of worlds, simply because there is an infinite amount of space for them to be in. However, not every one of them is inhabited. Therefore, there must be a finite number of inhabited worlds. Any finite number divided by infinity is as near to nothing as makes no odds, so the average population of all the planets in the Universe can be said to be zero. From this it follows that the population of the whole Universe is also zero, and that any people you may meet from time to time are merely the products of a deranged imagination. ↗

— Douglas Adams

#imagination

John, let me make one thing clear,” Jim said, cutting me off in his most stern, evangelical voice. “Every man is blessed with his gifts from the Lord. One of mine happens to be a penis large enough that, if it had a penis of its own, my penis’ penis would be larger than your penis.”..... ..."Fuck all of you,” John retorted. “You don’t even exist. We’re all just a figment of my cock’s imagination. ↗

— David Wong

#hilarity #humour #penises #stupid-boys #imagination