#humour

The only thing worse than having a party that no one attends is having a party attended only by two vastly, deeply uninteresting people. ↗

— John Green

#humour

You're not allowed to call them dinosaurs any more," said Yo-less. "It's speciesist. You have to call them pre-petroleum persons. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#euphemism #humour #political-correctness #humour

I don't know the rules of grammar. If you're trying to persuade people to do something, or buy something, it seems to me you should use their language. ↗

— David Ogilvy

#grammar #humour #advertising

The average IQ in America is—and this can be proven mathematically—average. ↗

— P.J. O'Rourke

#humour #iq-tests #maths #math

I have no problem with god - it's his fan club that scars me. ↗

— A.B. Potts

#god #humour #atheist

I have always been homosexual and it surprises me that more people are not; women's pink bits are moist and forbidding and I enjoy those qualities much more in a Victoria sponge. ↗

— Robert Clark

#humour #women #homosexuality

I'm too old to know everything ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#humour #youthful-arrogance #arrogance

Are you kidding? He's arrogant, sarcastic, likes to intimidate people, and—oh." Okay. Maybe she had a point. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#arrogance

I didn't set fire to the building." "No, but you did pull it into the river." "That put the fire out! ↗

— Anthony Horowitz

#alex

The platform underneath the balloon fell on her as she was trying to escape," she explained. "She was crushed." "I'd have been disappointed too. ↗