#humour

Are you conceding?' he says, his mouth falling open with mock surprise. 'Seems like that serum did you some good after all...' I shove him as hard as I can. 'Take that back. Take it back now.' 'Okay, okay!' He puts up his hands. 'It's just... I'm not very nice either, you know. That's why I like you so - ' 'Out!' I shout, pointing at the door. Laughing to himself, Tobias kisses my cheek and leaves the room. ↗

— Veronica Roth

#humour #romance #tobias-eaton #humour

Where is he? Bridgerton!" he bellowed. Three chestnut heads swiveled in his direction. Simon stomped across the grass, murder in his eyes. "I meant the idiot Bridgerton." "That, I believe," Anthony said mildly, tilting his chin toward Colin, "would refer to you. ↗

— Julia Quinn

#humour

Cordelia: I personally don't think it's possible to come up with a crazier plan. Oz: We attack the Mayor with hummus. Cordelia: I stand corrected. Oz: Just keeping things in perspective. ↗

— Joss Whedon

#perspective #plans #humour

Snyder: There are some things I can just smell. It's like a sixth sense. Giles: Well, actually, that would be one of the five. ↗

— Joss Whedon

#senses #humour

While the Clave disapproves of trespassers, oddly they take an even darker view of beheading and skinning people. They're peculiar that way. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humour #sarcasm #will-herondale #humour

Here's a basic difference between Morelli and me. My first thought was always of cake. His first thought was always of sex. Don't get me wrong. I like sex . . . a lot. But it's never going to replace cake. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#humour #humour

I regret that I didn’t realize that actually they’ve got no power over you at school — it’s all just a trick to indoctrinate you into being a conditioned, tame, placid citizen. Rebel, children, I urge you, fight the turgid slick of conformity with which they seek to smother your glory. ↗

— Russell Brand

#humour #conformity

Nothing can be more notorious than the calumnies and invectives with which the wisest measures and most virtuous characters of The United States have been pursued and traduced [By American Newspapers] ↗

— Thurgood Marshall

#humour #satire #satire

An Ass put on a Lion's skin and went About the foreset with much merriment, Scaring the foolish beasts by brooks and rocks, Till at last he tried to scare the Fox. But Reynard, hearing from beneath the mane That Raucous voice so petulant and vain, Remarked. O' Ass, I too would run away, But that I know your old familiar bray'. That's just the way with asses, just the way. ↗

— Aesop

#satire #satire

He burst into the house and ate Grandma, an entirely valid course of action for a carnivore such as himself. ↗

— James Finn Garner

#humour #politically-correct #red-riding-hood #satire #wolf