#humour

The Tausennigan Ob'enn warlords look like cuddly teddy-bears? Yes, they do, and they'd cheerfully exterminate your entire race for making that observation! I guess that explains their rich military history, then. -Ennesbey & Petey ↗

— Howard Tayler

#contradictions #cuddly #humour #military #overreaction

Through the door came a being of intense vivacity, impeccable sartorial integrity, and intermittent intelligibility. ↗

— Terry Bisson

#intelligence

The thingy? You want me, the most intelligent cognitive processor in the known worlds, to say thingy?” “Yes,” I reaffirmed. “That is correct." Do you stay up nights thinking of ways to humiliate me?" HARV asked. ↗

— John Zakour

#humour #intelligence

Is Jase already gonna marry you?” I start coughing again. “Uh, No. No, George. I’m only seventeen.” As if that’s the only reason we’re not engaged. “I’m this many.” George holds up four, slightly grubby fingers. “But Jase is seventeen and a half. You could. Then you could live in here with him. And have a big family.” Jase strides back into the room, of course, midway through this proposition. “George. Beat it. Discovery Channel is on.” George backs out of the room but not before saying, “His bed’s really comfortable. And he never pees in it. ↗

— Huntley Fitzpatrick

#humour #jase #samantha #family

I have no objection to anyone’s sex life as long as they don’t practice it in the street and frighten the horses. ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#sex #sexuality #life

I have written it before and am not ashamed to write it again. Without Wodehouse I am not sure that I would be a tenth of what I am today -- whatever that may be. In my teenage years, his writings awoke me to the possibilities of language. His rhythms, tropes, tricks and mannerisms are deep within me. But more than that, he taught me something about good nature. It is enough to be benign, to be gentle, to be funny, to be kind. ↗

— Stephen Fry

#humour #language #life #wodehouse #writing

Fuck the pack. I gave them fifteen years of my life. I fought for them, bled for them, and the moment my back was turned, they attacked my wife. I owe them nothing. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#humourous #protectiveness #life

Who's Kreacher?" "The house-elf who lives here," said Ron. "Nutter. Never met one like him." "He is not a nutter," said Hermione. "His life's ambition is to have his head cut off and stuck up on a plaque like his mother", said Ron. "Is that normal, Hermione? ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humour #kreacher #ron-weasley #life

When he didn't answer, she didn't know if it was because he couldn't or if he was back to not talking to her. Back to pushing her out of his life. Men! Why was it that boys said girls were so hard to understand, when she hadn't known a single guy who hadn't confused her to the point of screaming? ↗

— C.C. Hunter

#humour #kylie #men #taken-at-dusk #life

Don't ask me who's influenced me. A lion is made up of all the lambs he's digested, and I've been reading all my life. ↗

— George Seferis

#influence #life