#humour

I prefer dead writers because you don't run into them at parties. ↗

— Fran Lebowitz

#humour #funny

Kicking a police car? Really?' Caleb shrugged. 'Car offended me. It was sitting right where I wanted to stand. What would you do? ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#dark-hunter #funny #nhumour #funny

Every other girl in school thinks you're the hottest thing since the microwave. ↗

— Linda Kage

#humour #funny

Cut the crap and tell me what color panties you’re wearing. ↗

— Susan Elizabeth Phillips

#funny

Fredrika Bimm, what do you think you're doing?" "Freaking out. Losing my mind. Thinking about snapping your husband's spine. Squashing the urge to vomit. Wishing I had died at childbirth." "Oh, you say that when you don't get a prize in your Lucky Charms. ↗

— MaryJanice Davidson

#funny #humour #funny

Misery, thy name is Mudslide ↗

— Molly Harper

#humour #paranormal-romance #funny

The Brit's face shares a heritage with a junkyard butt-sniffing mutt. It's a hard-earned moonshine mug, dotted with a hairy mole that looks like a rat's been gnawing on it. His beard looks like a white sneeze. The teeth are jagged and out of alignment, having opened quarts at Jiffy Quick Lube for half a decade. ↗

— Brett Tate

#funny #humor #humour #memoir #sex

Boys don’t gossip.” “Pah! You don’t know us as well as you think.” This was a disturbing prospect. ↗

— Jennifer Echols

#humour #romance #young-adult-fiction #funny

Dell had left the army and taken the discipline home with him. I’d left the theatre world and taken the whisky sodas home with me. ↗

— Mark Capell

#drink #humour #liquor #home

To talk well and eloquently is a very great art, but that an equally great one is to know the right moment to stop. ↗

— Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

#humour #speech #art