#humour

My second thought was to fire a gunshot, but the last time I did that his security robots jumped me. It only takes one cavity search by a robot to convince you that’s an experience you don’t want to have twice. This called for a more subtle approach. ↗

— John Zakour

#humour #search #experience

don't make me throw my boot at you, because I will, you grumpy high testosterone driven male ↗

— Keisha Keenleyside

#humour #random #funny

I have been told by the third grade teacher that my daughter Poppet is reading at middle school level. Yet if I leave Poppet a note in block letters telling her to feed the dogs I will come home to find the dogs have been ... given a swim in the above-ground pool, dressed in tutus, provided with hair weaves. What I will not find is that the dogs have been fed. 'I thought you wanted me to free the dogs,' says Poppet whose school district is not spending quite what D.C.'s is, thanks to voter rejection of the last school bond referendum. ↗

— P.J. O'Rourke

#dogs #feeding #freedom #humour #middle-school

Not till God make men of some other metal than earth. Would it not grieve a woman to be overmastered with a piece of valiant dust? ↗

— William Shakespeare

#inspirational

Always take a compliment, even if it’s not yours ↗

— Benny Bellamacina

#humour #life #love #philosophical #relationships

Someone once told me that we move when it becomes less painful than staying where we are". ↗

— Anne Hines

#humour #inspirational #novel #wit #inspirational

It's good to let your mind wonder, as long as you know where it's going ↗