#ip

I'm jealous of your hooks," Kevin replied. "Having no hands is better than having two equally strong hands." Don't be ridiculous," one of the white-faced women replied. "Having a white face is worse than both of your situations." But you have a white face because you put makeup on," Colette said, as Sunny climbed back out of the trunk and knelt down in the snow. "You're putting powder on your face right now. ↗

— Lemony Snicket

#funny #humor #lemony #slippery-slope #snicket

How about "diamonds are a girl's best friends"? Nope. It should be switched around and pointed out, instead, that your best friends are diamonds. ↗

— Gina Barreca

#friendship #humor #friendship

I think you and he need to talk. And once you do, I won’t have to worry about being jumped like a felon again.” Blay frowned. “He and I have nothing to say to each other—” “With all due respect, the ligature marks around my neck would suggest otherwise. ↗

— J.R. Ward

#humor

Ain't No Drama Like Bedroom Drama ↗

— Renata D. Johnson

#friendships #humor #love #relationships #sex

If she happens to fall, I'll be there to laugh at first and then help her up afterwards. ↗

— J.A. Redmerski

#humor

The hippo of recollection stirred in the muddy waters of the mind. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor #memory #metaphor #recollection #humor

I suppose you're right about some perspectives. Just a few weeks ago, I thought you were a dickhead. ↗

— Mary E. Pearson

#humor

Smartass Disciple: Master, what is the secret recipe of your happiness? Master of Stupidity: If I tell you, there is nobody left to be made fun of. ↗

— Toba Beta

#happiness #humor #recipe #secret #humor

My brother gave me some good advice. He said, "What do you want to do? Do that because there are no rules when it comes to love. There are absolutely no rules. Do what you want to do." I think that was the most liberating piece of advice, because love really is unpredictable. There's trap doors, all kinds of scary stuff, caves and bears... You never know what's going to happen so you just have to do what you feel is right in the end. ↗

— Taylor Swift

#relationship-advice #relationships #love

There’s a writer for you,” he said. “Knows everything and at the same time he knows nothing.” [narrator]It was my first inkling that he was a writer. And while I like writers—because if you ask a writer anything you usually get an answer—still it belittled him in my eyes. Writers aren’t people exactly. Or, if they’re any good, they’re a whole lot of people trying so hard to be one person. It’s like actors, who try so pathetically not to look in mirrors. Who lean backward trying—only to see their faces in the reflecting chandeliers. ↗

— F. Scott Fitzgerald

#descriptions #insider #people #perceptions #writers