#kin

It turns out, Holder doesn’t have an issue with Mormons at all. He just has an issue with assholes. ↗

— Colleen Hoover

#colleen-hoover #dean-holder #funny #hopeless #sky-and-holder

Didn't you finish your chemistry in school?" "You closed the school and burnt all the books." "Ah, so I did. ↗

— Patrick Ness

#funny #monsters-of-men #funny

It’s all about control. Control is illusory. No matter what university you go to, no matter what degree you hold, if your goal is to become master of your own destiny, you have more to learn. Parkinson’s is a perfect metaphor for lack of control. Every unwanted movement in my hand or arm, every twitch that I cannot anticipate or arrest, is a reminder that even in the domain of my own being, I am not calling the shots. I tried to exert control by drinking myself to a place of indifference, which just exacerbated the sense of miserable hopelessness. ↗

— Michael J. Fox

#improvement #parkinson-s #funny

Of course it hurts, it’s a spanking. How else would it work? ↗

— Breanna Hayse

#bdsm-daddy #erotic-romance #erotica #funny #kink

No, I don't want you to leave. I'm just grabbing your coat and nudging your toward the door for fun #AHOLE ↗

— Andy Ostrom

#cooking #entertaining #etiquette #funny #humor

Kools and Newports were for black people and lower-class whites. Camels were for procrastinators, those who wrote bad poetry, and those who put off writing bad poetry. Merits were for sex addicts, Salems were for alcoholics, and Mores were for people who considered themselves to be outrageous but really weren't. ↗

— David Sedaris

#smoking #stereotypes #humor

Believe me, It would be better if we didn't meet again. Go back to school. Go back to your life. And next time they ask you, say no. Killing is for grown-ups and you're still a child. ↗

— Anthony Horowitz

#funny #humor #incentive #inspirational #interesting

I’m not good at talking. Can’t I just nod my way through a conversation? It’s better than nodding off. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#conversation #conversations #humor #nod #nodding-off

You know, I can see more than just the future or the past." "Really?" I asked, paging through through the papers in the file. "Can you also see the present? Because I can do that, too. Like, right now, I sense that I'm in a messy room with a total toolbox. ↗

— Rachel Hawkins

#humor #rachel-hawkins #sophie #spell-bound #torin

I'm having too much fun declaring & demonstrating the Kingdom of God, it's okay if He waits till he returns!!!." ~R. Alan Woods [2013] ↗

— R. Alan Woods

#kingdom-of-god #r-alan-woods #second-coming-of-christ #r-alan-woods