#ld

Stairs," Valkyrie said, disappointed. "Not just ordinary stairs," Skulduggery told her as he led the way down. "Magic stairs." "Really?" "Oh, yes." She followed him into the darkness. "How are they magic?" "They just are." "In what way?" "In a magicky way." She glared at the back of his head. "They aren't magic at all, are they?" "Not really. ↗

— Derek Landy

#derek-landy #funny #humor #magic #skulduggery-pleasant

I'm the Super-sized McShizzle, man!" Leo said. "I'm Leo Valdez, bad boy supreme. And the ladies love a bad boy. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor #leo-valdez #narissus #nymphs #humor

Leo couldn't help smiling. "That could be fun." "Fun" she said unhappily. "Blue elephants." "Blue elephants." "Kiss me you fool." "You fool. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor #leo-valdez #humor

Downy feathers kiss your face and flutter everywhere. Reality is a lovely place but I wouldn’t want to live there. ↗

— Owl City

#the-real-world #love

My parents are going to kill me!" "That seems rather harsh... ↗

— Garth Nix

#humor #paranoia #parents #humor

Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly. ↗

— Ambrose Bierce

#children #clothes #clothing #definition #humor

It's not that I want you to go, it's just that I don't want you to stay." - China Sorrows - ↗

— Derek Landy

#humor #landy #leaving #skuldugerry-pleasant #wanting

Be sure to lie to your kids about the benevolent, all-seeing Santa Claus. It will prepare them for an adulthood of believing in God. ↗

— Scott Dikkers

#atheism #childhood #humor #kids #parenting

He’s a love-’em-and-leave-’em kind of guy. And though he’s not a Lord, he does have a curse hanging over his head. I have the book to prove it.” William growled low in his throat. “Anya! Must you share my secrets with everyone?” He flattened his palms on the arms of his chair. “Fine. If you can spill, I can, too. Anya’s the reason the Titanic sank. She was playing chicken with the icebergs.” Scowling, Anya anchored her hands on her hips. “William had a bronze made of his penis and placed it on his mantel. ↗

— Gena Showalter

#lords-of-the-underworld #william #humor

Children expect their mothers to love them, no matter what. Those who don't get this tend to feel cheated the rest of their lives. ↗

— Bella Pollen

#motherhood #love