#lt

Dude! Get a fucking grip, it's just a song! When had I turned into a 5-yr-old girl? At the very least, I needed to get my libido under control before the song finished, because I didn’t think that my raging hard-on would be a good icebreaker. Well, figuratively speaking anyway, I thought smugly. ↗

— M.C. Lavocat

#funny-quotes #humorous-quotes #quotes #romance-funny #funny

I was momentarily stunned by his odd announcement and told him as much. "Let’s just talk about the fact that you composed a sonnet to my vagina, shall we? You are sending off some major stalker vibes, which is odd because you’re gay. You are gay, right?" He narrowed his eyes at me and waved his hand in the direction of his 'muse' as he stated, "I don't want any part of that thing. I just want to honor it for being the only known thing in existence to be touched by the dick of a god. ↗

— M.C. Lavocat

#funny #humor-quotes #quote #romance #funny

He who destroys a good book, kills reason itself. ↗

— John Milton

#honesty #john-milton #random #reason #truth

You look like a hot tamale.” “That’s not really a compliment. ↗

— Simone Elkeles

#humour #romance #young-adult-fiction #young-adult-romance #funny

You’ve got a big ego, Fuentes.” “That’s not all I’ve got. ↗

— Simone Elkeles

#humour #romance #young-adult-fiction #young-adult-romance #funny

I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be a dickhead. Well, I did. ↗

— Simone Elkeles

#humour #romance #young-adult-fiction #young-adult-romance #funny

How now, my sweet creature of bombast! How long is't ago, Jack, since thou saw'st thien own knee? ↗

— William Shakespeare

#funny #insult #prince-hal #funny

Hammacher Schlemmer is selling a shelter, worthy of Kubla Khan's Xanadu dome; Plushy and swanky, with posh hanky panky that affluent Yankees can really call home. Hammacher Schlemmer is selling a shelter, a push-button palace, fluorescent repose; Electric devices for facing a crisis with frozen fruit ices and cinema shows. Hammacher Schlemmer is selling a shelter all chromium kitchens and rubber-tiled dorms; With waterproof portals to echo the chortles of weatherproof mortals in hydrogen storms. What a great come-to-glory emporium! To enjoy a deluxe moratorium, Where nuclear heat can beguile the elite in a creme-de-la-creme crematorium. ↗

— Yip Harburg

#rich #home

However, in modern conceptual frameworks there is a more sophisticated view. I would say that the act of music exists in several worlds simultaneously. ↗

— Robert Fripp

#conceptual #exists #however #i #modern

But first I had to get through the ironing. It took a lot of patience. I had none. It took forever, and then I had to press the whole shirt again to get out the creases I’d pressed into it. ↗

— Jennifer Echols

#humour #young-adult-fiction #young-adult-romance #funny