#mo

Neither torch nor dagger," Annabeth said firmly. "There is a third test, which I will pass." "A third test?" the pater demanded. "Mithras was born from rock," Annabeth said, hoping she was right. "He emerged fully grown from the stone, holding his dagger and torch." The screaming and wailing told her she had guessed correctly. "The big mother knows all!" a ghost cried. "That is our most closely guarded secret!" Then maybe you shouldn't put a statue of it on your altar, Annabeth thought. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor

My shining dishonesty will be the salvation of me. ↗

— Diana Wynne Jones

#humour #lying #salvation #humor

Let me guess: you're secretly a wizard who was raised by muggles. ↗

— Michael Grant

#humor

His mother?" Gracie couldn't believe it. Suzy Denton looked much too young to be his mother. And much too respectable. "But you're not a-" She cut herself off in mid-sentence as she realized what she'd almost let slip. Suzy's wedding ring clicked against the steering wheel as she gave it a hard smack. "I'm going to kill him! He's been telling that hooker story again, hasn't he? ↗

— Susan Elizabeth Phillips

#humor #lies #mother #humor

I had a romance novel inside me, but I paid three sailors to beat it out of me with steel pipes. ↗

— Patton Oswalt

#gender #humor #masculinity #romance #romance-novels

The Sims is an escapist vehicle for people who want to escape to where they already are, which is why I thought this game was made precisely for me. ↗

— Chuck Klosterman

#humor

Every passing hour brings the Solar System forty three thousand miles closer to Globular Cluster M13 in Hercules — and still there are some misfits who insist that there is no such thing as progress. ↗

— Kurt Vonnegut

#humor

Well enough,” I reply. “Remember, you’re drunk. And happy. You’re supposed to be lusting over your escort. Try smiling a little more.” Day plasters a giant artificial smile on his face. As charming as ever. “Aw, come on, sweetheart. I thought I was doing a pretty good job. I got my arm around the prettiest escort on this block—how could I not be lusting over you? Don’t I look like I’m lusting? This is me, lusting.” His lashes flutter at me. He looks so ridiculous that I can’t help laughing. Another passerby glances at me. “Much better. ↗

— Marie Lu

#humor #lust #pretending #humor

I didn't know this before, but as it turns out, Tyrannosaurs can really haul ass. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #humor

Reeling and Writhing of course, to begin with,' the Mock Turtle replied, 'and the different branches of arithmetic-ambition, distraction, uglification, and derision. ↗

— Lewis Carroll

#humor