#mo

Brilliant? Ha! Your about as bright as a black hole!' Ellen resorted. ↗

— Charles Ogden

#humor

All right. And if any of you get hurt I'm going to be really mad. I sleep with a Glock next to my bed so don't think I'm joking. I will shoot you if you don't make sure Gibson gets back here safely ↗

— Lauren Dane

#humor

I don't think I'd want Mickey Mouse pimping for me anyway. ↗

— Haruki Murakami

#humour #humor

I wonder what my baby is thinking at this moment," he called, rubbing his stomach with his hands. What I was thinking about was whether or not his being my mother was going to wreck my nightly friction ritual. ↗

— Wally Lamb

#humor

Float like a butterfly, sting like a unicorn ;) ↗

— T.J. Klune

#humor

Billy here has been talkin' about slicin' his wrists again, so is there seven of you guys who'd like to join him and make it therapeutic? ↗

— Ken Kesey

#humor #nest #humor

And as for you, Gaelen is your uncle, your mother's beloved brother. He's your family. Learn to get along with him. You don't have to like him, but you might want to consider the fact that he's walked the earth more than twice as long as either of your parents, and he's spent the last thousand years battling the enemies of the Fey. He's probably forgotten more Fey skills than you've ever learned. ↗

— C.L. Wilson

#humor #family

I persuaded him to throw the dirk away; and it was as easy as persuading a child to give up some bright fresh new way of killing itself. ↗

— Mark Twain

#dark-humor #funny #humorous #killing #funny

It was mild monsters like these that made Jack the Ripper go after young women, she decided: who could tolerate yielding the world to someone who behaved as if she had given birth to the very world herself? ↗

— Gregory Maguire

#center-of-the-universe #children #humor #jack-the-ripper #the-world

...Roland de Chumsfanleigh (it wasn't his fault). ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor