#mo

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also. ↗

— Mark Twain

#philosophy #religion #humor

I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER. ↗

— Groucho Marx

#clubs #humor #membership #humor

But-" Maia, still looking at Alec and Magnus, broke off and rasied her eyebrows. Simon turned to see what she was looking at - and stared. Alec had his arms around Magnus and was kissing him full on the mouth. Magnus, who appeared to be in a state of shock, stood frozen. Several groups of people - Shadowhunters and Downworlders alike - were staring and whispering. Glancing to the side, Simon saw the Lightwoods, their eyes widen, gaping at the display. Maryse had her hand over her mouth. Maia looked perplexed. "Wait a second," she said. "Do we all have to do that, too? ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor #mortal-instruments #humor

When beetles fight these battles in a bottle with their paddles and the bottle's on a poodle and the poodle's eating noodles... ...they call this a muddle puddle tweetle poodle beetle noodle bottle paddle battle. ↗

— Dr. Seuss

#humor #humor

If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood. I'd type a little faster. ↗

— Isaac Asimov

#writing #humor

Technically, I am unarmed. But no one should ever underestimate the harm that fingernails can do. Especially if the target is unprepared. ↗

— Suzanne Collins

#collins #humor #katniss #humor

I have a high pain threshold. In fact, it's more of a large and tastfully decorated foyer than a threshold. But I do get easily bored ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor #humor

Why do people say "grow some balls"? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding. ↗

— Sheng Wang

#humor #misattributed-betty-white #humor

Nothing travels faster than the speed of light, with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws. ↗

— Douglas Adams

#novelist #science-fiction #humor

The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. ↗

— Lily Tomlin

#life #rat-race #humor