#mo

After a time he fell asleep, and some unsteady fairies had to climb over him on their way home from an orgy. ↗

— J.M. Barrie

#funny #humor #humour #funny

She ignores me, so I cup my hands over my mouth and do something I haven’t done in years— barnyard sounds. ↗

— Simone Elkeles

#humour #romance #young-adult-fiction #young-adult-romance #funny

The traditional rapist is a reluctant husband, but an eager honeymooner. The modern woman is a reluctant honeymooner, but an eager ring bearer. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #rape #women #funny

Somewhere in the background of magnificence lurks the kitchen staff. But a magnificent person only forgets about his origins, never his brunch. ↗

— Bauvard

#greatness #humor #magnificence #meals #funny

There's a fine line between funny and annoying – and it's exactly the width of a quotation mark. ↗

— Martha Brockenbrough

#grammar #grammar-humor #quotation-marks #funny

I was once honest with myself, on April Fool's day. I thought it would be the best practical joke ever, but I realized I'd already been the butt of an even bigger one. My birth. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #honesty #humor #practical-jokes #funny

Now all I have to worry about is what might crawl out of the darkness to get me in the night.” “Yeah, well, I think there’s a box of doughnuts under the chair. You can toss those to distract it. ↗

— Elle Parker

#funny-humor #seth #funny

Cats are like walking brooms you can actually comfortably cuddle with.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cat #cats #clean #floor #funny

Is he about to kiss me? Did he eat garlic too or was I the only one? 'Cause if Ric didn't eat garlic then my breath's gonna stink and he'll think... Oh for fuck sake, shut up internal dialogue! ↗

— Zathyn Priest

#humor #funny

But it's funny how the memory works and how sometimes we just belive whatever we want. ↗

— Chris Bohjalian

#reality #funny