#mo

Over the road there was a church: a modern gray building, which constantly played a recording of church bells. Strange it was. Why no proper bells? I never went in but I bet it was a robot church for androids, where the Bible was in binary and their Jesus had laser eyes and metal claws. ↗

— Russell Brand

#comedy #funny #humor #robots #funny

Paris Hilton is going on a goodwill mission to Rwanda. It’s the first time an entire Third World country will have to get immunizations for a visitor. ↗

— Chelsea Handler

#humor

Recent studies have shown that approximately 40% of authors are manic depressive. The rest of us just drink. ↗

— Melodie Campbell

#fantasy #humor #love #magic #paranormal

If this were a movie, I would bust a secret move so fierce the entire place would be razed to the ground. I'd finish with something snappy like "And don't forget my soda, punk" while I strolled off into the night. ↗

— Libba Bray

#humor

Okay, boys.” Pestilence's grating voice rang out. “Kill the human and the mutt, and let's get this Apocalypse started! ↗

— Larissa Ione

#humor

Oh, I adore to cook. It makes me feel so mindless in a worthwhile way. ↗

— Truman Capote

#humor #humor

When I shoot, the ball bounces hard against the backboard, and flies wildly through the air, knocking the coach in the head. I slap a hand over my mouth. The coach barely catches herself from falling. Several students laugh. She glares at me and readjusts her cap. With a small wave of apology, I head back to the end of the line. Will's there fighting laughter. "Nice," he says. "Glad I'm downcourt of you." I cross my arms and resist smiling, resist letting myself feel good around him. But he makes it hard. I want to smile. I want to like him, to be around him, to know him. "Happy to amuse you. ↗

— Sophie Jordan

#jacinda #will #humor

Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer ↗

— Henry Lawson

#humor

The Maestro says it's Mozart but it sounds like bubble gum when you're waiting for the miracle to come. ↗

— Leonard Cohen

#love #subjectivity #humor

LADY BRACKNELL To speak frankly, I am not in favour of long engagements. They give people the opportunity of finding out each other's character before marriage, which I think is never advisable. ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#engagement #humor #marriage #relationships #humor