#mo

I feel the color in my cheeks rising again. I must be the color of The Communist Manifesto. ↗

— E.L. James

#anastasia #anastasia-steele #blush #communist-manifesto #e-l-james

A brick could be used to wash your hands. And after that, I’d suggest you wash out your filthy mouth. Scrub it clean, you scatological talker you.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Fake vitamin pills. Placebos. I sell them, because I sell hope.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#hope #humor #placebo #sale #salesman

A brick could be used to ascertain the truth. And then logically, a non-brick could be used to detect the lie. What kind of things are non-bricks? Well, anything from blankets to lies. So therefore, a lie could be used to detect a lie, and all this logic makes me want to grab a blanket and lie down—and that’s the truth. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

I wash the clothes, rinse them and then scrub them again. Will that square little box do that? I am not using any fancy machines when my hands will do. ↗

— Renita D'Silva

#humour #india #indian #indian-fiction #women-s-fiction

A brick could be used to enhance your social status. Just affix it to the hood of your car, like a Mercedes ornament.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be used in a manner most secret. But Shh! I can't tell you. What part about secret don't you understand?
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A brick could be used like the point where always meets never. I mean come on, who wouldn’t want to watch a brick levitate? 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Could you bring me to Rita’s house before we go to the airport?” I ask. “There’s one last thing I need to ask her to do.” “That is on the other side of the river,” says Ethan.“I know. But I need to see her. Please, I’ll be eternally grateful.” He doesn’t say anything, but instead puts the car in gear and starts the engine. After we are driving for about two minutes he asks. “How grateful?” Ah, I see the old Ethan hasn’t disappeared then. I smile and lean over to place a light peck on his cheek. “This grateful,” I say to him.“Hmm, I think you can do better than that,” he chides in good humor. “You’re driving,” is all I say in reply. “I can pull over,” he answers smartly. ↗

— L.H. Cosway

#ethan-and-tegan #flirting #funny #humor #funny

...our witness, one Edward Littleton, was a gay as Elton John's handbag. ↗

— Ann Somerville

#funny #gay #homosexuality #humor #humour