#naught

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are. ↗

— Chauncey Mitchell Depew

#humor #naughty #humor

She texted me telling me her mom was dying, so I did the right thing and texted her back a picture of my erect penis and said, “Let’s start a new family.”
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— Jarod Kintz

#dying #family #funny #humor #inappropriate

An Druides be, thanne answere me: whos love in Eire is moste fyn and fre?" Herne "whether in bedde or in feeld do ye meet, Flidais awaiteth your limbes to greet." Atticus ↗

— Kevin Hearne

#love

Can you tell by where my eyes are looking what I’m thinking? Hint: I’m staring directly at your vagina.
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— Jarod Kintz

#hint #men #naughty #naughty-thoughts #obvious

I have a whisper like a zipper. Your secret is safe in my pants.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #naughty #pants #safe #safety

I make believe like asexuals make love—alone, with cardboard tubes.
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— Jarod Kintz

#asexual #cardboard-tubes #imagination #love #make-believe