#naught

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are. ↗

— Chauncey Mitchell Depew

#humor #naughty #humor

Why send roses? Wouldn’t it be more romantic to deliver a dozen orgasms? For only $19.95, I’ll deliver them to your woman any day of the year. But be sure to book early for Valentine’s Day.
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— Jarod Kintz

#flowers #funny #humor #love #naughty

She texted me telling me her mom was dying, so I did the right thing and texted her back a picture of my erect penis and said, “Let’s start a new family.”
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dying #family #funny #humor #inappropriate

I'm doing naughty things, I'm drinking too much, I'm going to clubs. It really didn't matter to me, other than the fact that some parents wouldn't let their kids hang out with me. ↗

— Macaulay Culkin

#doing #drinking #fact #going #hang

I have a whisper like a zipper. Your secret is safe in my pants.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #naughty #pants #safe #safety

I make believe like asexuals make love—alone, with cardboard tubes.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#asexual #cardboard-tubes #imagination #love #make-believe

I always thought of photography as a naughty thing to do - that was one of my favorite things about it, and when I first did it, I felt very perverse. ↗

— Diane Arbus

#always #did #favorite #favorite things #felt

Several famous people have licked my nipples. Well, indirectly. First they licked the stamps, and then I peeled them off the letters and stuck them on my nipples.
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— Jarod Kintz

#celebrity #fame #funny #humor #letter

If we're doing this for ten hours, I'm going to need a little incentive to stay motivated.' Patch hooked his elbow around my neck and dragged me into a kiss.'Everytime you strip my sword, I owe you a kiss. How's that sound?'I bit my lip to keep from giggling.'That sounds really dirty.' Patch waggled his brows.'Look whose mind just rolled into the gutter. Two kisses per strip. Any objections?' I pulledon an innocent face.'None whatsoever. ↗

— Becca Fitzpatrick

#humor

I do quite naughty things now. I do like to be a bit sexy. ↗

— Kylie Minogue

#i #i do #like #naughty #now