#ny

A brick is to a blanket, as the moon is to Sun Tzu. Fear my fearlessness!
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket #funny #humor #random #strange

I say if a novelty Christmas song is funny one time, then it is funny every time. - Calvin ↗

— Bill Watterson

#calvin #calvin-and-hobbes #funny #song #funny

He wasn't aware of it but when he smiled he looked like an amiable bear. When he didn't smile he didn't look amiable ↗

— Emma Goldrick

#funny #goldrick #harlequin-special-edition #hero #humor

Tighe took control of his thoughts. “You need to use the bathroom. When I tell you to, go into the house. Two cats will try to come in with you. You must let them in. Don’t allow anyone to stop them. Once inside the house, you’ll go into the bathroom and close the door, pull down your pants, then curl up on the floor and go to sleep.” The bastard’s career would be over when they caught him, literally, with his pants down. But he deserved it for kicking a cat. ↗

— Pamela Palmer

#funny #justice #tighe #funny

Cara: *Flies* Gen: What? I don't have wings! Cara: Ofcourse not! You're a boy. ↗

— Jim Henson

#funny #the-dark-crystal #wings #women-power #funny

I beg your pardon?" Robson says. One thing Waterhouse likes about these Brits is that when they don't know what the hell you're talking about, they are at least open to the possibility that it might be their fault. ↗

— Neal Stephenson

#funny

Just stay close to us. If we get in trouble, we'll kill everything. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#cerise #fate-s-edge #funny #ilona-andrews #the-edge

I can't imagine the scientists wanting me to walk into the lab and start fiddling around with some big bowl of electrons they had out. ↗

— Jim Benton

#funny #science #scientists #funny

The policemen agreed they were living with a most peculiar fellow. One moment he was reading classical literature in the original French and quoting Tennyson, and the next he would be discussing the best way to blow up a train. ↗

— Ben Macintyre

#funny

Mira, I'm about to be naked," Blue said as he whipped off his belt and tossed it on the floor. "So watch out. Well, in my underwear." "I've seen you in your bathing suit," Mira said. "It's the same thing." "It is not the same thing," Blue said. "When it's accompanied by seventies porn music, it's an X-rated strip show." Blue yanked off his shirt. "Freddie, you're kind of slow on the uptake. Eine kleine porn music, please. ↗

— Sarah Cross

#funny #humor #funny