#ny

I turned back to the television. After a while what I was staring at registered. “Hey, this is The Long Goodbye." Jake opened his eyes. “What?" "This movie. It's Robert Altman's take on Chandler's The Long Goodbye. ‘Nothing says good-bye like a bullet.’” "I don't know,” said Jake. “Sometimes the words are enough. ↗

— Josh Lanyon

#humor #jake-riordan #josh-lanyon #humor

You sure are a sweet girl, Scout. I'm half tempted to keep you." "Ummm... Thanks?" Knowing she was a potential Alpha I worried about what "keeping me" might entail. Probably chains. And whips. And maybe a dog collar. And now I was going to have to live with scary Fifty Shades Aunt Rachel pictures living in my head for all time. ↗

— Tammy Blackwell

#funny-quotes #funny

Ginny, listen . . . I can’t be involved with you anymore. We’ve got to stop seeing each other. We can’t be together.” “It’s for some stupid, noble reason, isn’t it? ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor #noble #humor

You know what love means? It means loving the person you are now and not the person you want someone to be or the person they will be. ↗

— Samantha Stroh Bailey

#humor #romance-funny #romantic-comedy #funny

The manlier you are, the harder it is to understand what a woman wants: there is not a hint of female brain in you. ↗

— Criss Jami

#anatomy #biological #biology #brain #cognition

Parvati positively beamed. Harry could tell that she was feeling guilty for having laughed at Hermione in Transfiguration. He looked around and saw that Hermione was beaming back, if possible even more brightly. Girls were very strange sometimes. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#girls #harry-potter #hermione #humor #parvati

A girl got a nosebleed, so I gave her a tampon and warned her about the responsibilities of womanhood. “You’re going to get a lot of guys trying to stick things up there,” I said. Now she’s a mouth breather. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #menstrual-cycles #nosebleeds #womanhood #funny

Everyone is so cynical about the possibility of democracy today. But not me, I’m an idealist: democracy isn’t possible outside my own mind. According to my perceptions, this is a dictatorship. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#democracy #funny #humor #idealism #politics

I like food that speaks to me. Food like French toast, English muffins, and Deviled eggs. Oh, oval embryonic spawn of chicken, why hast thou deceived me? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #food

Behind her, Preston grunted and said, "I know it's not the right thing to say to a lady, miss, but you are sweating like a pig!" Tiffany, trying to get her shattered thoughts together, muttered, "My mother always said that horses sweat, men perspire, and ladies merely glow..." "Is that so?" said Preston cheerfully. "Well, miss, you are glowing like a pig! ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#tiffany-aching #humor