#ny

Veil, you see, if I vas to say something portentous like "zer dark eyes of zer mind" back home in Uberwald, zer would be a sudden crash of thunder,' said Otto. 'And if I vas to point at a castle on a towering crag and say "Yonder is . . . zer castle" a volf would be bound to howl mournfully.' He sighed. 'In zer old country, zer scenery is psychotropic and knows vot is expected of it. Here, alas, people just look at you in a funny vay. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#psychotropic #uberwald #vampire #funny

Siamese twins have it great because one can jack off while the other talks dirty. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #funny

Liver failure is the easiest way to say 'no' to alcohol. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #funny

No, no. Don't make that face. Every time I propose to you, you make that twisty, unhappy face. It wears on a man's confidence. ↗

— Tessa Dare

#dare #funny #humor #funny

You didn't have to go to the fireworks with him. Or - or let him fondle you." "Fondle?" Raisa raised her eyebrows, "When did I mention fondling? ↗

— Cinda Williams Chima

#funny #raisa #funny

We need to save the forests. I have a big warehouse we can store them in. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #trees #funny

Arjuro made a scoffing sound. ‘You think Lumatere will invade because of you? Are you that important?’ Froi looked away. ‘Isaboe would invade if you kidnapped a servant, let alone a friend.’ ‘Isaboe? We’re on first-name terms with the Queen of Lumatere, are we?’ Gargarin asked. Froi found himself bristling. ‘What? Do you think I’m some cutthroat for hire who they found hanging around the palace walls with the words “I want to kill a Charynite King” tattooed on my arse? ↗

— Melina Marchetta

#froi #funny #sarcasm #funny

Because she left him a MySpace message that was semi-flirty, and then today he was very vague about what he was doing. So I headed over to his house and waited outside until he left. And now he’s at McDonald’s, and I’m following him to see where else he’s going.” MySpace is seriously going to be responsible for everyone losing their minds. ↗

— Lauren Barnholdt

#young-adult #funny

Dallas popped his jaw. “I do not cackle. I bitch like a he-man. ↗

— Gena Showalter

#funny #funny

I have to console myself with the hope that I'd seen Isabeau soften, even hesitate, as if she might actually have taken my arm. It was suddenly very easy to picture her in a gown with petticoats and ringlets in her hair and diamonds at her throat. It was just as easy to picture Magda with horns and pitchfork." - Logan, page 95 ↗

— Alyxandra Harvey

#funny