#ny

I would pour you a glass of wine, but wouldn’t it be more romantic if you sipped it out of my armpit? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#alcohol #drinking #foreplay #funny #humor

I'm not leaving, Kitten. You're going to do this." My mouth opened as did the door behind us. Stomach dropping, I turned to see Mom standing there in all her fuzzy-bunny pajama glory. Oh, for the love of God. ↗

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

#bonus-points #daemon #embarrassing #funny #katy

Whatever would give you the idea that I'm her damn brother? ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#cat #funny #timmy #funny

Apparently the complete works of Shakespeare packed quite a wallop. To think, my mother said I'd never find use for an English degree. Ha! I'd like to see her knock someone silly with an apron and a cookie press. ↗

— Rachel Vincent

#funny

Oh, dear God and baby Jesus in the manger, my eyes!” Dee shrieked. “My eyes! ↗

— Jennifer L. Armentrout

#humor #funny

The funny thing about mundies is how obsessed with magic they are for a bunch of people who don't even know what the word means. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#city-of-bones #magic #funny

I want to be a cowboy, but only long enough to barge into a saloon and bellow, "Who's the yellowbelly that stole my happy trail? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cowboy #funny #happy-trail #humor #saloon

[Thou] mad mustachio purple-hued maltworms! ↗

— William Shakespeare

#henry-iv #shakespeare #funny

My close friends are fond of telling me that I put the “yalt” in loyalty. Well, I don’t know if I’d go that far with it, but yeah, I guess I am a pretty yalty person. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#crazy #friends #funny #loyalty #ridiculous

Hey, Mr. Nakata. Gramps. Fire! Flood! Earthquake! Revolution! Godzilla's on the loose! Get up! ↗

— Haruki Murakami

#funny