#ny

She asked if I found what she was telling me very exciting, and I managed to yelp out “very” while yawning.
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— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #random #random-thought

I always wear gloves, so at any moment I could commit a crime and not be worried about fingerprints. Plus, it saves on buying hand sanitizer.
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— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #random #random-thought

Of all the things I own, I’m most sentimental about my shoes, because they’ve traveled with me every step of my journey.
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— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #random #random-thought

I don't think the heavy stuff is gonna come down for quite a while!” ― Bill Murray character in Cadyshack ↗

— Mark Buff

#funny-humor #humor #humorous #funny

I am the burrito wrapped up in a blanket. Eat my warmth.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

I’ve got you covered. Just don’t hog all the blanket.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

I glance down his body. He's still wearing his shorts and his shirt, and I still have my T-shirt on. Jeez-- talk about wham, bam, thank you ma'am. ↗

— E.L. James

#anastasia-steele #christian-grey #e-l-james #fifty-shades #fifty-shades-freed

I feel the color in my cheeks rising again. I must be the color of The Communist Manifesto. ↗

— E.L. James

#anastasia #anastasia-steele #blush #communist-manifesto #e-l-james

We must have a creature made of Darkness to break through the cage of Darkenss that imprisons your grandmother," Thanatos said. "That creature is me." Aurox stepped forward. "Oh, for shit's sake! We are absolutely fucked!" Aphrodite said. Sadly I had to agree with her. ↗

— P.C. Cast

#aurox #funny #hidden #house-of-night #house-of-night-series

A brick could be used to wash your hands. And after that, I’d suggest you wash out your filthy mouth. Scrub it clean, you scatological talker you.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny