#o

Emergency Valve Regulators," she repeated. "So you do know what your doing? "Not really," he said yanking another wire. 'I made up that term to keep you happy. I'm just pulling all the red wires because they're the pretty ones. ↗

— Derek Landy

#funny #humour #wires #funny

Next to coming to a good understanding with a new mistress, I love a quarrel with an old one. ↗

— George Etherege

#good #i #i love #love #mistress

This bulletin brought to you from the Department of Duh. ↗

— K.A. Mitchell

#humor #humor

In the Old Language, she hissed, “If any harm shall befall him, I will come after you, and find you where you sleep. I do not care where you lay your head or who with, my vengeance shall rain upon you until you drown.” That last word was drawn out, until its syllable was lost in more growling. Dead silence. Until Doc Jane said dryly, “Annnnd this is why they say the female of the species is more dangerous than the male. ↗

— J.R. Ward

#funny #layla #qhuinn #funny

Is my timing impeccable or what? ↗

— Karice Bolton

#humor

It's sick and twisted and violent. Other than that it is totally G rated. ↗

— Elizabeth Cruickshank

#funny #oxymoron #sick #twisted #vioolence

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday ↗

— Don Marquis

#procrastination #art

An ice sculpture in the Sahara makes about as much sense as donkey left open gaping wagon, Sergeant (add cream cheese sparingly).
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cream-cheese #donkey #ice-sculpture #nonsensical #open

I am my own experiment. I am my own work of art. ↗

— Madonna

#creativity #identity #inspiration #life #self-esteem

Pops: How about you finish this sentence for me, Jason? When a girl says no she means... Justin, looking desperately at me: No? Nana: Are you sure? Justin, shifting uncomfortably: I'm sure. No means no. Nana: Well look at you. You got one right. Now here's another, even tougher sentence for you to finish. Premarital sex is... Me: Nana! I'm so sorry Justin. Nana: Unlike Pops, I'm not moving on. Justin? Pops: His name is Jason. Justin:Uh....uh.... Pops: While you think about that, why don't you tell me how you feel about drinking and driving? Justin: I'm totally against it, I swear! Nana: Methinks he protests too much. ↗

— Gena Showalter

#drinking #funny #justin #zombieland #dating