#om

That's why ears have cartilage, to keep them from flapping. ↗

— Bill Cosby

#humor #humor

Thank God for imminent doomsday. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#doomsday #humor #humor

Let me make sure I have this straight. The cavalry just now rode into town and it's a Czech Gypsy porn-star zombie killer. Have I got that right? ↗

— Richard Kadrey

#zombies #humor

I wish the government would put a tax on pianos for the incompetent. ↗

— Edith Sitwell

#i #i wish #incompetent #pianos #put

Brains, BRAINS, BRains, brains, BRAINS. BRaiNS, brains, Brains, BRAINS, BRains, brains, BRAINS. BRAINS, BRains, brains, BRAINS, brains. ↗

— Ryan Mecum

#haiku #horror #humor #zombies #humor

Random chance is not sufficient to explain random chance. ~Jubal Harshaw ↗

— Robert A. Heinlein

#evolution #humor #ingenious-statements #random-chance #humor

Knowledge may be power, but half of what I know I wish I could forget. ↗

— Carroll Bryant

#comical #humor #humorist #humorous #philisophical

No idea how you figured out the riddle, but you scooped the first prize. Congratulations. You've just won a vacation to a big, relaxing place called a grave. ↗

— Jayde Scott

#humor #jayde-scott #vampires #humor

It turns out that Molly wasn't her mother's daughter in that respect. Charity was like the MacGuyver of the kitchen. She could whip up a five-course meal for twelve from an egg, two spaghetti noodles, some household chemicals, and a stick of chewing gum. Molly ... Molly once burned my egg. My boiled egg. I don't know how. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#domesticity #dresden-files #humor #humor

Over time, I have realized that at 20, you can wear too much makeup and people assume you're a slut. Do it at 40 and they think you're a sea witch. ↗

— Melodie Ramone

#women #humor