#on

You're going to burn in a very special level of hell. A level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater. ↗

— Joss Whedon

#malediction #humor

Poison!" Grover yelped. "Don't let those things touch you or..." "Or we'll die?" I guessed. "Well...after you shrivel slowly to dust, yes." "Let's avoid the swords," I decided. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor #poison #shrivel #swords #humor

If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere. ↗

— Groucho Marx

#superstition #humor

The Queen's Pride was his ship, and he loved her. (That was the way his sentences always went: It is raining today and I love you. My cold is better and I love you. Say hello to Horse and I love you. Like that.) ↗

— William Goldman

#humor #love #humor

I'm calm," Rachel insisted. "Every time I'm around you, some monsters attack us. What's to be nervous about?" "Look," I said. "I'm sorry about the band room. I hope they didn't kick you our or anything." "Nah. They asked me a lot of questions about you. I played dumb." "Was it hard?" Annabeth asked. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#dumb #humor #insult #percy-jackson #rachel-dare

Basia coquum," Simon said. "Or whatever their motto is." "It's 'Descensus Averno facilis est.' 'The descent into hell is easy," said Alec. "You just said "Kiss the cook." "Dammit," said Simon. "I knew Jace was screwing with me. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor #simon-lewis #humor

Procrastinate now, don't put it off. ↗

— Ellen DeGeneres

#paradox #procrastination #humor

The paper is your canvas. The pen is your brush. Create your masterpiece. ↗

— Julian Vaughan Hampton

#inspirational

Calvin: I used to hate writing assignments, but now I enjoy them. I realized that the purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure poor reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog! Want to see my book report? Hobbes: (Reading Calvin's paper) "The Dynamics of Interbeing and Monological Imperatives in Dick and Jane: A Study in Psychic Transrelational Gender modes." Calvin: Academia, here I come! ↗

— Bill Watterson

#education

He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife. ↗

— Douglas Adams

#paradox #religion #humor