#or

If you can't make ends meet, meet them in the middle instead ↗

— Benny Bellamacina

#humor #life #quotations #quotes #humor

There Are Two Typos Of People In This World: Those Who Can Edit And Those Who Can’t ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#editing #funny #people #typo #world

I want to merge a Phoenix with a Camel to create the world's first everlasting cigarette. It'll be a cigarette that rises from its own ashes, so you can keep smoking it indefinitely. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#cigarette #everlasting #funny #humor #immortality

One man's fish is another man's poisson. ↗

— Mark Gatiss

#humor

Her name badge read: Hello! My name is DIE, DEMIGOD SCUM! ↗

— Rick Riordan

#funny #hilarious #humor #laugh-out-loud #name-badge

I like using big words. Words like huge, gigantic, massive. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #funny

A lot of people ask me if I were shipwrecked, and could have only one book, what would it be? I always say, "How to Build a Boat. ↗

— Stephen Wright

#humor #funny

I want to be a creature that’s half bee, half the letter B. That way I can pollinate the world with my literacy. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#letter-b #literacy #world #funny

Somewhere in the world there is an epigram for every dilemma. ↗

— Hendrik Willem Van Loon

#epigram #every #somewhere #world

A mechanical toothbrush is the greatest oral device in the history of the sex toy industry. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #sex-toy #funny