#or

That's how hospitals get you. You go in to visit and before you know it they got a camera stuck up your butt and they're looking' to find poloponies. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#humorous #humor

Neither would you, had you grown up in a library of melodramatic romance novels. ↗

— Clementine Holzinger

#humor #reading #romance-novels #humor

She'd been trained as a child no to trust anyone, but he'd just saved her life, and she was freezing. He could be a yeti for all she cared. ↗

— Krystal Shannan

#holiday #humor #multicultural #romance #humor

الأدباء ينتحرون دائما في النهاية. رجال التحريات يعرفون هذا. لكنهم كذلك يعرفون أن الأدباء لا يبذلون جهدا في إخفاء جثثهم بعد الإنتحار. إنهم مهملون ويتركون جثثهم بأمخاخهاالمتفجرة وشرايينها المقطوعة في أي مكان، كأن باقي البشر خدمٌ لهم. إنهم مغرورون كذلك. ↗

— أحمد خالد توفيق

#sarcasm #humor

What in god’s name happened to your nuts?” “They met a jet-powered water hose.” He grimaced. “They’re already healing.” A rare glint of amusement lit Lawrence’s eyes. “You have balls of steel.” “You have inappropriate humour. ↗

— Dianna Hardy

#humor #humour #nuts #torture #humor

Taking out werewolves, I gather and surmise, is akin to taking out a SEAL team. ↗

— Patricia Briggs

#fair-game #humor #indestructible #leslie #werewolves

One lone butterfly flapped his wings somewhere in the vicinity of my spleen. He was probably a scout. No doubt six million other butterflies were hot on his heels, if butterflies even have heels. ↗

— John Inman

#humor

I hate cutting my wrists while shaving ↗

— Josh Stern

#shaving-humor #wrists #humor

Fenworth nodded. "Yes, yes. Urgent, deadly, insidious. The world is in peril and we must rise against evil." The old wizard released the general and patted him on the shoulder. "Tea and cake first, don't you think? ↗

— Donita K. Paul

#humor #peril #tea #humor

Well, I just don’t want you to think that this piece of shit is anything other than a pathetic, human defect. Nothing more. Not a monster, not a bogeyman. Nothing but another reason to feel better about yourself. Understand that it’s just a person - not worth devoting any nightmares to. ↗

— Jhonen Vasquez

#cynical #human #humor #jthm #humor