#or

Hell may have all the best composers, but heaven has all the best choreographers. ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#humor

I never understood how men could remember all those details about sports but, yet, were incapable of remembering where they set their car keys or wallet. ↗

— Tina Reber

#love #men #tina-reber #humor

You said she's a senior? Babe we're ALL crazy. ↗

— Cecily von Ziegesar

#crazy #funny #girl #gossip #love

I’m nearsighted in one eye and farsighted in another. Instead of railroad tracks converging in the distance, the workers got lazy halfway there and switched from building one side of the track to the other. So when my brother was standing in front of an oncoming train, I told him not to be worried – the tracks are still under construction. I just never expected the train to have hovering technology. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#humor #trains #vision #funny

• If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer? ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor #funny

Grinning is something you do when you're entertained in some way, such as watching one you don't care for spill soda all over themselves. ↗

— Lemony Snicket

#funny #grinning #humorous #funny

I don't know where my ideas come from. I will admit, however, that one key ingredient is caffeine. I get a couple cups of coffee into me and weird things just start to happen. ↗

— Gary Larson

#funny #humor #inspirational #funny

To stop smelling is to stop breathing; people only really inhale the essence of life when they pass gas. ↗

— Bauvard

#farting #funny #humor #life #funny

Be yourself. Unless you can be Batman, then be Batman ↗

— Jayy Von Monroe

#funny #humor #musician #funny

When I see the best of myself in others, it makes a good first impression. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #projection #funny