#or

Never memorize something that you can look up. ↗

— Albert Einstein

#science #humor

There are two motives for reading a book; one, that you enjoy it; the other, that you can boast about it. ↗

— Bertrand Russell

#humor #humor

The meek may inherit the earth, but at the moment it belongs to the conceited. Like me. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor #jace-wayland #quotes #humor

Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on? ↗

— J.R.R. Tolkien

#semantics #suspicion #humor

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile. ↗

— Billy Sunday

#car #funny #humor #religious #funny

NAUGHTY AND NICE? said Death. BUT IT'S EASY TO BE NICE IF YOU'RE RICH. IS THIS FAIR? Albert wanted to argue. He wanted to say, Really? In that case, how come so many of the rich buggers is bastards? And being poor don't mean being naughty, neither. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#economics #money #morality #society #death

You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colin." Need I say more? ↗

— Chris Rock

#everyday-life #funny #humor #observational-comedy #funny

Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor

Wicked people never have time for reading. It's one of the reasons for their wickedness. ↗

— Lemony Snicket

#humor

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana. ↗

— Anthony G. Oettinger

#misattributed-to-groucho-marx #time #humor