#or

I'll go," he said. "And that's safer because?" "I'm a guy." "Right, and having a pair of dingle balls makes you invincible how? ↗

— Gemma Halliday

#humour #humor

I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was "Quote" so the last thing I said before I died would be "Unquote. ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor

I ran three miles, staggered into the lobby, and took the elevator back to my apartment. No point to overdoing this exercise junk. --Stephanie Plum ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#exercise #humor #plum #stephanie-plum #humor

You used nunchucks on a moose?" Wolfe got a haunted look in his eyes. "I used all sorts of things on that bastard. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#malachi-wolfe #humor

Have you ever had a girlfriend, Kenji?" "What?" He looks mortally offended. "Do I LOOK like the kind of guy who's never had a girlfriend? Have you even MET me? ↗

— Tahereh Mafi

#kenji #humor

No one believes a liar. Even when she's telling the truth. ↗

— Sara Shepard

#liar #lying #truth #humor

Oh... Adrian, I've got one more favor to ask you. A big one." "Fondue?" he asked hopefully. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#favors #humor #sydney-sage #humor

Man...heats up like a lightbulb: red hot in the twinkling of an eye and cold again in a flash. The female, on the other hand...heats up like an iron. Slowly, over a low heat, like tasty stew. But then, once she has heated up, there's no stopping her. ↗

— Carlos Ruiz Zafón

#love #men #sex #women #humor

Having children is like living in a frat house - nobody sleeps, everything's broken, and there's a lot of throwing up. ↗

— Ray Romano

#humor #parenting #humor

I love tables. And dancing. Oh, and I love table dancing, although Grandmother always says, "Wait until we're finished eating. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#grandmother #humor #silly #table-dancing #funny