#po

She sipped the tonic. Her face puckered again. She gagged, covered her mouth and mumbled in disgust, "Oh my God!" "I said it tasted better, not great." Abby continued to force the sour tonic down in sips. She could taste a hint of vanilla but the potion left a bitter aftertaste that was similar to vinegar. Her stomach gurgled and burned. "Water," she coughed after her last sip of tonic. "No. You'll dilute it," Noel said firmly, relieving her of the glass. Smartly, she rebutted, "Isn't that what you're supposed to do after drinking poison? Or is it throw up? ↗

— Devon Ashley

#humor #ordained #poison #tonic #humor

Yoh: Being popular with guys isn't something you can just stitch together! Haruna: What?! I Can't?! Yoh: OF COURSE NOT! Yoh: Mixing coke, tea and orange juice would taste nasty, right?! That's exactly what you're doing! ↗

— Kazune Kawahara

#humor #kazune-kawahara #popularity #yoh #humor

There's something about sports. You can be setting fire to cats and burying them in your backyard, but as long as you're playing team sports, people think you're okay. ↗

— Polly Horvath

#sports #humor

If you're going to hit a car, try to be sure that it's not a cop car ↗

— Judy Gold

#police #wisdom #humor

(Regarding check-cashing places): It's hitting me how poor this really is: I'm standing in a long line to pay someone to give me my pay. So, technically, they get paid before I do, and it's my damn check. ↗

— Angela Nissel

#cash #humor #money #poor #poor-people

During the years of struggling to make partner, he had sometimes entertained the comical notion that making partner would imbue him with new powers, like a budding superhero who had been bitten by a radioactive spider. It appeared that any superpowers he had gained did not include the ability to pick up women in bars. ↗

— Reece Hirsch

#lawyer #superhero #superpower #humor

A brick could be used as a doorstop. But that’s obvious. What isn’t obvious is why somebody would want to stop a door, since doors represent openness. What is that person hiding behind that door that they want to stop people from opening it up? I don’t know, but it’s got to be diabolical, and if anything is to be stopped, it’s not the door—it’s the evil plan by the Door Master to take over the world.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Czech beer in bottles is the corpse of real beer in a glass coffin. ↗

— Sergei Lukyanenko

#anton-gorodetsky #beer #humor #humor

I USED TO make love. Now I Make coffee. ↗

— Chocolate Waters

#humor #poetry #sex #humor

I want to have five or six wives, and a few dozen sheep, all for my pleasure. I should be a politician. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#politician #politics #humor