#politics

I'm glad mushrooms are against the law, because I took them one time, and you know what happened to me? I laid in a field of green grass for four hours going, "My God! I love everything." Yeah, now if that isn't a hazard to our country … how are we gonna justify arms dealing when we realize that we're all one? ↗

— Bill Hicks

#humor #politics #humor

The French have a new president, the British will soon have a new P.M., and we envy them as we endure the endless wait for this small dim man to go back to Texas and resume his life. ↗

— Garrison Keillor

#politics #humor

It's now very common to hear people say, 'I'm rather offended by that.' As if that gives them certain rights. It's actually nothing more... than a whine. 'I find that offensive.' It has no meaning; it has no purpose; it has no reason to be respected as a phrase. 'I am offended by that.' Well, so fucking what. ↗

— Stephen Fry

#philosophical #politics #wisdom #humor

We had a choice between Democrats who couldn't learn from the past and Republicans who couldn't stop living in it... ↗

— P.J. O'Rourke

#government #humor #politics #republicans #humor

I've got daughters. Nine years old and six years old. First of all, I'm gonna teach them about values and morals. But if they make a mistake, I don't want them PUNISHED with a baby. ↗

— Barack Obama

#politics #humor

I wanted the feel in these books to be like an epic fantasy, with kings, queens, dukes and court politics, but of course like what I was explaining before, about making the science make sense, you have to make the politics make sense, too. ↗

— Kevin J. Anderson

#before #books #course #court #dukes

I was also going to give a graduation speech in Arizona this weekend. But with my accent, I was afraid they would try to deport me. ↗

— Arnold Schwarzenegger

#politics #humor

The dead should not rule the living ↗

— Thomas Jefferson

#inspirational #politics #inspirational

With anal sex, I suggest you start gently. Find a slender midget. Or a member of Congress. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#anal-sex #congress #funny #humor #politics

For 3 million you could give everyone in Scotland a shovel, and we could dig a hole so deep we could hand her over to Satan in person (on Margaret Thatcher) ↗

— Frankie Boyle

#devil #funeral #hell #margaret-thatcher #politics