#quote

Not to alarm you or anything, but I think you just made a deal with a Mexican gang." I've read Simone Elkeles books. I know how this whole garage as a front thing works. Fate Succumbs ↗

— Tammy Blackwell

#funny-quotes #funny

Ish #21 "Stop saying the only meat you eat is chicken. It's still meat! ↗

— Regina Griffin

#funny-but-true #funny-quotes #humerous #humor #funny

I Take Life Very Seriously: One Joke At A Time. ↗

— Sandra Chami Kassis

#life #philosophy #quotes #truth #wisdom-inspirational

To achieve anything, you must be prepared to dabble on the boundary of disaster. ↗

— Stirling Moss

#motivational #quotes-to-live-by #inspirational

Me: "it does not taste like God Himself cooked heaven into a series of five dishes which were then served to you accompanied by several luminous balls of fermented, bubbly plasma while actual and literal flower petals floated down all around you canal-siide dinner table." Gus: "Nicely phrased" Gus's father: Our children are weird." My dad: "Nicely phrased ↗

— John Green

#funny

... a man doesn't like to have his ego popped, especially when he prides himself on his sagacity, and then to be proved wrong by a man who claims he doesn't know anything. ↗

— E.A. Bucchianeri

#dark-humor #ego #egotism #egotist #funny

So does that mean if you won’t fuck me because I’m high, I could fuck you because you’re not? ↗

— K.A. Mitchell

#boyfriend #ever #funny #high #humor

You put cow dung on my face?’ ‘Every day religiously until you were three. Why else do you think your skin is so clear? ↗

— Renita D'Silva

#funny-humor #humor #humour #india #indian-author

Dude! Get a fucking grip, it's just a song! When had I turned into a 5-yr-old girl? At the very least, I needed to get my libido under control before the song finished, because I didn’t think that my raging hard-on would be a good icebreaker. Well, figuratively speaking anyway, I thought smugly. ↗

— M.C. Lavocat

#funny-quotes #humorous-quotes #quotes #romance-funny #funny

I don’t think this is working out between us,” I told him. “You and I want different things. It’s not me, it’s you. ↗

— T.J. Klune

#funny