#rand

I heard about them Rangers on TV,” Grandma said. “I heard they get dogs pregnant.” -Grandma Mazur ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#humor #humor

Did you ever wish you had a book that would explain the full meaning of life's random happenings to you? ↗

— Mariko Tamaki

#life #random #humor

Ew, sicko. I was practicing Edomic." "Sure you were," Jason said. "You're just too embarrassed to admit you were playing hide-and-seek all alone. Rachel hiding, nobody seeking. ↗

— Brandon Mull

#brandon #humor #jason #mull #rachel

If we can expect another journey tomorrow, we should secure horses," Ferrin went on. "And if the sun will be shining, perhaps a goat for Aram." "Keep it up," Aram dared him through clenched teeth. "Is a goat too large and unruly?" Ferrin asked? "Maybe we should saddle a raccoon." "Odd how these taunts tend to fade after sundown," Aram growled, taking a large bite of bread. "But a new day always dawns," Ferrin replied. "And we can all use some entertainment." Aram glowered. "Then perhaps tonight I should pull you apart and let the others puzzle you back together." "That's the spirit!" Ferrin applauded. "Taunt back! I get the sense you've seldom had to deal with ridicule." Aram appeared to be resisting a pleased little smile. ↗

— Brandon Mull

#humor #mull #rebellion #seeds #humor

When Grandma Mazur is talking about the reason for the improved play of her 91-year-old bowling teammate, she said: "She's doing better now that we got her the longer tubing to her oxygen tank. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#humorous #humor

The day my child tries a celery is the most stressful day of my life. ↗

— Ariana Grande

#funny #humor #laugh #funny

And I figured you'd drive a four-hour round-trip before giving up your car to someone else ↗

— Richelle Mead

#funny

The sky was as blue as orange could get. I love sunsets at noon, and forks disguised as spoons. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#random #sunsets #love

Only a man of integrity can possess the virtue of honesty, since only the faking of one’s consciousness can permit the faking of existence. ↗

— Ayn Rand

#rand #virtue #integrity

A blanket would be a great surface to print my new book on, so you could read it in bed while you’re having boring, obligatory sex with your spouse, who’s as dry and exciting as a sack of flour. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#books #boring #brick-and-blanket #funny #humor