#rand

A brick could be used to knock out the tooth of a giant, and then used as a replacement for that very tooth it knocked out. I’ll tell you what, you knock it out, and I’ll put the new one back in—and I’ll charge a fee for both transactions.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Four bricks could be affixed under a skateboard and used as really inefficient wheels. Ha! Let’s see Tony Hawk do tricks on that board. Actually, he probably could.
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— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

A blanket could be used as Concealment Revealer. It both conceals and reveals, like great dialogue. Here’s some great dialogue I wrote for two characters, Mr. Brick, and Ms. Blanket:
 Mr. Brick: I like your dress
 Ms. Blanket: I’m naked, you moron
 Mr. Brick: Tuesdays make me vomit. What are you doing one minute after Monday at 11:59 PM? ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Do you remember what I forgot? ↗

— Erica Goros

#anxiety #funny-and-random #humor #inspirational-quotes #age

Be the kind of woman who, when your feet hit the floor each morning, the devil says "Oh, no! She's up. ↗

— Joanne Clancy

#inspirational #life #women #funny

In another language, I’ll bet the word “Agatha” means “To shine one’s shoes with the water from a toilet made of tin foil.” Thinking about all the microwave safe words in the universe makes my feet sweat. I need some new Band Aids. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#random #funny

Tried to escape, to block out the fact that I was being eaten alive by arachnids. For some reason the only thing I could replace it with was the image of being eaten by tiny clowns. ↗

— David Wong

#random #funny

Fifteen minutes later, Justin looks at his pint of blood with pride. He doesn't want it to go to some stranger, he almost wants to bring it to the hospital himself, survey the wards and present it to someone special, for it's the first thing to come straight from his heart in a very long time. ↗

— Cecelia Ahern

#heart #humour #random #funny

Mr. Pot drank ten pots of coffee, even though I only made eight. That’s a savings of 20%!
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— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #coffee #funny #humor #random

I managed to beat Michael Phelps’ 400 meter IM time. And not only did I beat his time, but I did it in exactly 200 meters.
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— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #compete #competition #competitive #delusional